Just Me

I Am Sorry

2009-09-27T01:21:00.003+08:00

Sorry for everything.... and now.. I would like to say welcome and
goodbye to myself... I hate this blog very much actually... Everytime
when I am facing something bad... I will just record all and release
my emotion in here... So... All I can see from here.. Is the very bad
side of myself... Goodbye, my childish-ness... Goodbye, the very old
me... Off course... I wont say that I am 100% changed now... But...
the only thing I am 100% sure is... I am happy and better now...
I would like to welcome my brand new me... =)

Thank you for everything, there is no regret of it... There is a thing
that is called experience... If we never happen to gain the experience
... We will never know... What is the feeling of "Sweet" and "Pain"...
Ya.. Maybe sometime... You may have done something that will
causeyou to feel regretful in the rest of your life... But.. If you never
happen to gain this experience... You will never know that what is
the correct thing and what is the wrong one... Maybe... the only thing
we can do now...is to let the time to cure it or let the fate decide...

There is a song lyrics... I am so into it... "I am sorry for blaming you
for everything.. I just couldnt do... and I've hurt myself by hurting
you" I will take everything as a lesson... and I wish that these can
be a guidein my future... I will make sure... I wont do it again...
Cause the "pain" is really hard to fade away...

Anyway... I am really sorry... for everything...

Glasses Heart

2009-05-02T01:46:00.004+08:00

I am falling again.. Into the deep hole.. How long.. It took
sometime to rebuild myself and my confident.. But it just
fade away... Everything fade away... Due to my sickness..
I realise a lots of things.. The happiness is no longer
staying with me.. I can hardly smile again... No more..

What had I remain? Its empty... I feel so emo... But I cant
get myself a very good reason.. Why am I emo..
What do I want? Do I really want all of them die?
Or what else do I really want?

My heart have been broke into pieces a while ago..
I told myself.. Nothing can be really worst than.
Its not the worst situation... Always not.. But..
Who really know? How bad it can go? How far can I last?
How to get myself survive in all these?

I am not crying.. No tears are coming out...
Is it all dry already? So that I cant cry now?
I feel numb.. Really numb... I am out of my mind..
I dunno what am I typing now and who do i refering to...

Gran ma.. I really do miss you..

Can you hear me?

Why So Serious

2009-04-06T14:43:00.002+08:00

I feel quite embarassing... Reading the old me... Emotional..
I am on a self-upgrading... Everything was running fine...
I dont hate I dont let myself be bad.. I dont feel so serious
about anything now... =)

My mind is empty now... So.. Lets just say good bye...
=)

Why so serious? XD

Self - Despressing

2009-02-18T08:42:00.002+08:00

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I want to scream.. I want to bang the wall..
Morning Morning do wrong thing again.. What The FUCK!!!
Ya ya.. I know... Thanks to myself... Stupid again... Why should
I care? Why should I FUCKING care???!!!! Busy body???
HAR?!!!! This job already so bullshit for me.. Why should I
still falling so much for it??!!!! WHY SHOULD I CARE?!!!!

Fuck!!!! I shouldnt be so care at the first moment... Your right!
Its NONE OF MY BUSSINESS... Stupid!! Wake Up Stupid!!!!
Why would you care about how the case goes??? Since that upper
management also dont care and did mistake on it also...
WHY WOULD YOU CARE?!!! =.= They didnt feel anything
upon this matter at all??? Har?? Who gonna take the result??
ME!!! US!!!

I am so so so so so so so so so depress right now... I dont fucking
want to talk to anybody... I DONT FUCKING WANT!!!!!!
Leave me alone.. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

Dear friend

2009-02-12T18:38:00.006+08:00

Our situation. Our relationship. Ended. Dear friend.
Will this be the last time I call you as a friend?
Will I be regret on what have I done? No I guess. If time
rollback. I guess I will do the same. This is my way.

I have read your blog. I knew your words. I rejected
to look at it at the first moment. Then I read it twice.
Some words I can't really accept. But maybe its right.
You guys ask me for some changes. I keep thinking
why must I change? Why will be I am the one who
need to be change? Why? Many questions.

I used to hate you as the most hated in the world.
Hate block my sight. I couldnt see anything beside
the hate. My mind block down all the happiness things
of you and me. The only thing that flashing in my mind
was that day on how you treat me.

Friend. You should know how much I appreciate you.
I been the most luckiest girl in the world to have a friend
like you. You touch my heart deeply when you appear
during my sadness time. I never had a friend like you.
I did mention to you everytime about this. I just dunno
if you take it serious or not.

I feel scare when I read one of your post. It mention about
you dont want someone to treat you as a very important
one cause you dunno if you will treat back the same.
I dunno if you are talking about me or not. Then,
I wrote back an entry regarding this. I said
"dont worry you are not the most important friend for
me cause right now I wont treat anyone as my most
important friend". I lied. Its just an excuse to lie
to myself and you.

I started first. I knew. I feel really bad when "sam"
keep tryingto correct my thinking with his advices.
His words true but hurt.I cant accept and the words just
made me feel more terrible."Are you wishing I go die
right now?" I asked him. I refuse to listento his words.
It hurted It really hurt. I feeling unfair and I thought
he is just correcting me but not her. As he mention,
between usno one willing to be the first to apologize.
Not me not you.

Right now I am not writing to show how "regret" I am.
In my dictionary, dont have "regret" this word.
Even its a wrong decision, I dont want myself to be regret.
Sam said I am weird. I can get through the bad words
about me easily but for the good words, I so reject to accept.

Ya, you are right. Everyone have their problem. I knew
my problem ut I am not changing it. I dont really know
if I did change or not?You know what. This is the first job
I work more than 3 month. Its already a miracle for myself.
Compare with the last job which made me cry back
to home everytime.

No one is perfect. For sure there is something somewhere
people dont like about ourself. I know you do hate people
talk bad behind you and you are disappointed to know
that something of you which I dont accept or dont like,
through others' mouth. As you friend, when I used to
be your friend. I tolerate everything of you. I dunno how
to start telling you. I want you to be good but I dont feel
good to correct you. Others I can dont care and straight to them
easily but not for you. No matter you belief my words or not.
I am quite suprice I can type out so much. Hehe.

I understand everything is over and I am not doing anything
or giving any explain. You and me know very well that things
cannot back to the past.

My Tears

2009-02-09T10:21:00.003+08:00

Right now I am working.. Was quite free... But a while
later.. I found a girl which had forgotten by her team.. =.=
Suprice to see that my IDs still working beside my forum's..
I knew I may doing the wrong thing... I leave my current
position and go help her... Well.. I feel like i need to do so..
I am happy to touch it back.. Which I used to call it as
a hell dream.. and I woke up from it.. Back to my "heaven".
Well.. heaven or not.. depends...

In these few days.. I gained some and lost some.. I gained
lessons.. I lost my tears... I been collapse and cried.. I feel
sad and happy.. My emotions changing every minute..
I lost the most cherrish friend.. I let myself fell into the
lonely trap.. I emo them.. stopped talking with them...
I thought I will feel better... I am or not.. Only myself know..
I dont want to explain anything... Hardly people can read me..
But I am tired on explaining.. Does it even give help? No

I am happy with my family now.. No matter from my bf
side or my home side.. Sorry guys.. I used to complain a lot
about all.. I know my words always hurt people.. I just dunno
why I always let the small little sad thing cover up all the big
huge happy things.. Auntie.. I know you are not a bad person..
A good mother you could said.. As a mother in law.. I can consider
you as a good one.. Sorry for being lazy in the house.. Haha..

Recently I gained the happiness feeling from the new lifes...
Hamster babies.. I will never feel bored watching them everyday..
I wish to record down everything I see.. And I am happy
with the iguanna... =) Grow up faster babies...

My Final

2009-02-01T21:17:00.006+08:00

Well.. MIA stopped after the 2nd day... I knew what have I done...
And I do prepare for any punishment.. But.. Jenny have a long chat
with me through msn... Then I keep thinking... Ya.. I know I am wrong...
I just put someone into the trouble.. Sorry... I just never know that its
not only related to me but to you as well... I went back and start
working at 29 Jan... Jenny have a long talk with me at the 3rd floor...
After the talk..I just realise..Everything that happened...Goes to franky..
I am like a sudden... Realise something.. Which is the reality...
Alright.. I know what have I done...

Sorry... I am still weak in reading people... I cant see who is the
good one and who is the really bad one... I really cannot tell...
Until now.. I know... I might put him into this trouble...
Which they are always looking for something to fight on.. to blame on...
But I wont... I will try to safe it.. Actually ... Its not a MIA...
I did tell them.. Tiff.. Dee... and Ericc... I even sms him... =)
So.. Does that still call a MIA?

I worked until now... Tomorrow last day in it... =) I am happy...
But I know the way that I am heading now... May not be as
smooth as I think... Everywhere is the same.. You cannot
expect others to be perfect... You cannot force everyone MUST be
like you..and I know what is the problem there..I always know..
But I will try to avoid for now... Since there is no hope for anything
anymore.. They are right.. Its the company who made the workers
become like this... I will appreciate my breakfast time =)

Cannot wait for feb 3 to come... Recently... I was quite free from
the current team... No phone calls or less case.. Does it mean good?
Nah uh... The bugs still exist...

Everything Should Get An End

2009-01-27T09:11:00.004+08:00

Its time to make it end... I want to stop myself from falling into the darkness hell...
I had enough! My patience just reach its limit.. Stop using me like this.. Stop
messing up my life.. Jerks.. Bastards.. I do not belong to anything.. I am the one who
in charge of myself... Got it?? So stop pointing at me and order me for this and that..
I dont even want to give a damn if you want to do it or not... Stop telling me what the bullshit
like if I dont clear it you will die.. WHY? Why must just be me??? I quitted!

I am SO regret.. Why I put myself into this.. Its worst than a hell.. Yea.. You are right..
I shouldnt dare you from accept this challenge... End up I made myself crazy... And now
I even give up my job... But its ok... I already feel hopeless when I saw my salary from
the amount that it suppose to give(which he promised) become the current one.. And he still
want to tell me those bullshits like... "They are just adding with their rate." Hahahahahaha...
WHAT A BULLSHIT! Never mind.. How much you pay... how much I work... " Have you prepare to receive lots of resign letters?" "Anytime" <<<<< Nice one.. So now I dont have to feel
guilty even if I want to run away from this company...

=) I appreciated the lessons you guys taught me.. Thank you.. Thank you for making grow up
once again..at the same time... Good bye...

MIA start counting until I got fire... Thank you...

System Down

2009-01-17T12:12:00.003+08:00

2009 17 Jan, my last off day.. As I wish, I archieved my dream.. and
went to a wonderful land(what I thought it was).. I started everything
from 0.. I forced myself to catch up cause I dont want to feel that I
am useless for others.. Beside some product knowledge(well not some
actually) that I still cant catch up.. The rest.. I already tried my best..

I cant explain.. Everything actually goes so smoothly at the begining..
I got to know new friends.. and I am working with my good friend..
Until then.. my system down.. I started to blame started to hate..
Until now.. I deleted my good friend and I made myself became a bad
character once again.. But well.. Quote from someone " Dont bother about
how others look upon you, just think about how you look upon urself "
Thanks bro.. and sorry to give you trouble..

Dream is still a dream.. Which only perfect to be a "dream".. Archieve it..
and you will see the reality.. Which is not that perfect anymore.. So..
I better just keep it in my heart as a "dream".. To be honestly.. I do know that
the opportunity is better in the current one.. But.. the most important thing
is to enjoy your work.. If you are not happy.. You can hardly done the work
nicely..

Can I complain here? For my personal feeling on that person?
She.. used to be a cute little sister.. and I do like the cute girl like her..
But dunno why.. There is one day.. she show her emotion on me.. Come on..
I know maybe you are not feeling well.. But can you please be informed that
I am NOT born for you to show your emotion with ok? and please...
Why would you everytime think that I "SURE" know to answer the questions?
and your face DID show that I SHOULD know how to answer.. Thats really funny..
Well.. I admit.. Its about girl's jealousy.. Most of them is sitting at your side to teach
you.. Hahaha.. How about me?? I AM LEARNING ALL THE WAY BY MYSELF!!!
I ASK!! I LOOK AT THEM!!! I SEARCH FOR THE ANSWERS!!!! Never mind..
nightmare would be ended one day..

You are not trusted??? I doubt about your working ability???? Fine.. If you say so..
I am.. I AM!!! Ok?? Satisfy huh? and please.. I DONT NEED to be fake ok..
If I dont like you.. I will never show that I like you.. =.=

So.. GTFO~ Thank you.

Goodbye 2008, and Welcome 2009

2008-12-27T09:10:00.003+08:00

Wow! Its already 27 dec.. Times go really fast.. Its just like how I blink my eyes... *Blink Blink*
I feel myself is like almost forget how to use english... Since I join the current team.. I am not blaming them actually.. I do love them and appreciate the lessons they gave to me... I earn a lots.. Well... I dont mean in materials... I earn the most priceless stuff of the world... that is call...
Love.. <3 Love between friends.. Love between partner.. between the works...

Thank you.. for all those who willing to give me a hand when I am down... I been get through
a hard time of my life.. Life challenge.. Thats how others call it.. I made up my mind about leaving the company.. then changed my mind and stay.. Until now.. When everything is about
to go smoothly.. I did another choice.. I applied to switch team... Actually I was quite "not sure"
at the beginning.. Quote someone's words "Everything can be learn, just depend on you. You dareto take this challenge or not." End up.. I DARE him.. =.=

Sorry.. really sorry to my current bro(my leader).. I know I may disappointed you once again
on what I choose.. Dont misunderstanding me.. I do love the team a lot.. and I dont have a problem to work with you.. We always in a good team works isnt it? Haha.. But as I told u before... There is my dream... English.. I always want it... Actually my first target when I interview here.. Is english team.. Just too bad cause my english havent reach there to be a part
of their family... Now either =.=.. BUT.. My new bro(sooner my new leader) said he willing to
teach me..

Recent Life

2008-11-13T23:38:00.005+08:00

Well... Nothing much... Work then Off day then Work again...
Just learn about not to hear not to see.. and Feel nothing about all of them now..
No hard feeling or whatever they think.. Everything back to normal..
Not so serious about the job sometime... Depend on my mood... For example..
Today I went there.. On the game.. Sit sit... Ermm and then... "Comic!"
Wakakakakaka... http://www.5kmh.com/ nice website for chinese comics... But off course...
When those "higher position" ppl come to my place... Have to switch back and
pretend a bit... ^.^v Am I good enough huh? :D

Sometime keep quiet and much much better than you talk too much... At least u can
stay away from the war or whatever they called it.. Now I wish that... Everything of
mine go smoothly and "peacely"(do they even have this word? Grr whatever)...
7am work 4pm home~ Dont be too early there and dont stay up late... Go at 7am then wait
for 4pm to come(so that I can go home!!).. Try not to comment too much on others
department's stuffs... Even if you "accidently" heard "something"... Pretend that you never
hear that.. and Pray to forget it asap...

About my diet plan... Was very good at the first 3 days... I control well on what I should eat...
and exercise... But for now... After 1 week or 2... T.T My bad temper is back... Cause stopping
myself from those delicious food... T.T aihz... So now I let myself and my bb eat a bit more...
At least make myself feel happier... T.T Felt that I really get tired easily nowaday... Not
enough food taken gua... Aihz... But Its making me crazy when I saw someone that used to be
double of my size at 4 month ago... Now... T.T skinny than me le... aihz... How she do that?
And when I saw that she eat the YUMMY secret recipe cheese cake IN FRONT of me...
I went mad le... Aihz... What a life~

Friendship Forever

2008-10-30T07:29:00.003+08:00

27 oct 08 , Me , bb ,monkey and cyrus went to genting highland for our day trip there....
We took many pictures and really having fun there... There is one picture we took is about,
put our "last" fingers together... Hahaha... I just write out some words to describe that picture....

"There is a chain that tied up between you and me, Wish that our friendship could "last" forever!"

Hehe... Does it sound cool? I am loving it.. ^.^ Although nowaday I might feel lonely on my
morning shift cause you guys are not around... But I will always miss you guys and think
about our happy stuffs to make myself stay away from the loneliness, or sadness....

For those that think they could really make me quit... Get off?? Anyway... I would take it
as a life challenge... So.. Just "BRING IT ON" !

t(-.-t) (t-.-)t

Relationship Between You ,Me,He,She and Them

2008-10-22T17:48:00.002+08:00

Relationship between each others... Sometime good and sometime "down".... I dunno how to describe the whole things... For the moment.. I feel empty... I dunno If its I think too much or whatever.. But I knew there is something happened... Between us...

Why must reality change the personality of each of them? Well.. Maybe not all... But things are like getting complicated and I am getting tired on it... Sometime I feel warm... but I sometime i feel like I have been left out from them... T.T Why is it?

Until now.. I still appreciate the friendship between you and me...(You guys should know who you are) and For those that really hurt me a lot... I guess I already stop myself from trusting them so much now.. But sometime I still cant control myself from thinking... "Are you angry with me?" "Am I doing wrong?" "Am I not good enough to be your best friend?"

And so Sorry about what happened last night... I dont mean to do that... and Dont ask me why... Its already a past tense... I dont wish to mention again.. Not a big deal anyway... But I feel something wrong with you... I wish my feeling was wrong and you are just too tired... I dont even dare to think if you really give up about me... If you did... I guess I wont care others things anymore... Ya... I think I will...

WTH is Happening?

2008-10-19T20:16:00.002+08:00

WTF... I just found out... The key chain that I cherish the most... have lost... I cant find it...
What have I done?? Huh??? I clearly remember that I did bring it home... and I didnt put it
anywhere... Why is it missing now??? WHY WHY?!!! TELL ME WHY!!!!!!!

I hate my life... Why is it all the shit suddenly came to me? Huh? I cant stand it anymore... I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! I want my card back... I want my key back... I want my key chain back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where did they go???!!!! I almost wipe the whole building just to find these things... But end up... I found NOTHING!!!! NOTHING MAN!!!!! WHERE DID THEY GO???!!!! DID SOMEONE TOOK IT???? GHOST??? or WHO??????!!!!!

I am totally abnormal now... You cant imagine how mad I am now... I mad at myself... Why so fucking suck... Even a small little thing... I still cant keep it nicely... I totally failed!!! FAILED!!!!!!
Can someone please slap me till I wake????? I FEEL SO BAD NOW!!!!! EVERYWHERE IS PAIN NOW!!!!!!!!! I am sad... but more is like I am mad... I wanted to cry... but the tears never want to come out.... Hahahahahahahahahaha.....

Maybe the god is having fun on me... Its taking everything from me but not my life YET.... Fine... If its what you want... Have fun with it... I hate YOU!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!

Many Things Had Happened

2008-10-07T23:37:00.002+08:00

11:33pm , I am not sleeping yet... Normally I will be on the bed at around 8pm every night... Sigh... Many things in my mind... Suddenly think back about last time stuffs... I know the tears are coming out...

Girls... What you guys want me to do? Joseph.. Thanks for understanding me... I dunno and I dont feel like explaining all these... You guys should know well that I am not really good in words... and actually I am SO simple... I will treat u well if u treat me well too... So.. You guys know now? How am I? I dunno how to describe my feeling now... Angry? No.. Not really... Sad? No.. Not really.. Tired? Maybe...

Please... Dont ask me... What had happen? I dont fucking know what had happen as well... The drama begin on one upon a time... O.. I forgot... Its like... Nothing happen actually... Then... ask again... I answer.. Nothing happen really... Then... I get "bad face"(Maybe I too sensitive)... So...
Emo start... Today... return her a bad face too (I am so childish)... and Then... DRAMATIC!!!!
"What happen to u and her?" "Why u angry her?" Bla bla bla bla... COME ON! How the hell I know?? Can anyone get what I mean?? Grrrr... WHATEVER!

Monkey... to be honestly... I really apprectieace a friend like u... So far... You are the only "friend" of my that chat with me thru phone for like almost 1 hour... Joseph is the second one... Monkey got 44 minute and Joseph is 35minute... =.= What am I trying to show? =.= I am happy to know a friend like you... And I really know you are good... From the heart... But monkey... Its hard for me to change my mind/my mood in a very short time... You know I need time... I know you really do want us to be good to each other...

Today her mood is so so only... Sigh~ I dunno how to make her feel better... I can see her angry face d during work... I really dont want to lose a friend like you... T.T Monkey u cannot angry me de wo... NEVER EVER ya!!!!!!

What I can say/do now is... Gimme some time... But since I already sms her say I am ok d... So I am ok d... Gimme some time... Dont ever force me... Thanks...

Emotional

2008-09-24T11:02:00.002+08:00

Recently I am busy about my job... I feel very happy to work there... Thanks a lot Dreamer... You brought me here... I got to know a lot of new friends... and I finally know how's that feel when you take group picture... Days by days... Almost a month now... and I am still loving it...

Last night... Something went wrong... Maybe because of my jealousy... I dress up nice and make up then take some picture... Display it on my msn.. and I go and ask Dreamer... "I pretty or not?" LOL!!!!! Well... I am not always like that... Beside I ask my bf this question everyday... I never ask others... Dunno whats wrong with me yesterday... Keep telling myself... "I am pretty" "I am leng lui also"... Well... Dont laugh... Its all over now... I wont repeat it again... NEVER!

Kinda angry... When I accidently paste out someone's email and then got shoot... "WTF you like him?!" t(-.-t) Please! Dont always think I so easy like ppl... Although I am... But PLEASE!!!! Not everyone also worth I like de.... Fine... I dont want to talk about this... For now what I am very sure is... I dunno how to talk with you anymore... "Whatever" le... You like to say... you say... Whatever u like to think... Go ahead...

I am kinda emo now... Feel sick of everything... Well... Leave me alone.. I guess I will be fine...

My First Day

2008-09-08T13:28:00.002+08:00

Yay!! Finally 8 Sep has come.... Currently in working mode... But since I havent get any training yet... So all I can do now is just sit here and look around/disturb around... :( Dunno what I can do for now anyway... T.T They changed the rules as well... Sigh~

Well... This morning my hunny woke up late... I am the one who found out the time was 5:45am.... LoL! Rushing for everything then... Asked him if he want to drive there or still wait for the KTM but will be late for sure if go by KTM... He said nvm... So... We go by KTM lo.......
v(^.^)v Get our's butt on the seats... Heading to Mid Valley lu...

Finally know what my hun said about the "crowded" case of the KTM.... From our station... Its still empty.... After around 5 stations... You cant see the opposite people anymore... After 7 stations MORE SCARY... The train almost cant close the gate already.... WA SAI.... Its even worst than "SATIN".... I almost cant breath... Wow... KTM=new experience...

Around 7:30am we reached there... Step into my "FIRST" company.... Actually my working time start at 8:30am... So I stay with my hun a bit till the time's up... 8:10am , my hun throw me out of the office and ask me go look for the "bla bla bla"... >< Fine!!!! So I alone standing outside the office and wait till the "bla bla bla" come... T.T Its so damn hot there! 8:30am... Finally someone came and opened the door for me... Sigh~~ I almost can be "eat" liao...

I can describe my first day with one word now.... "WAIT!" everything is just to "wait"... :(
Ok.. I dunno what else to write here... Good bye... *muackkk*

Waiting

2008-08-30T04:19:00.004+08:00

Finally I had passed the interview... That was really quick... I interview at 2:30 and I got my reply at 3:30... Hehe... I thought I will be nervous for it but end up I dont feel any nervous on the conversation... Just a bit shock cause the whole interview was in english... LoL.. You can imaging how it goes with my "broken english" and "stuck words"... "Errr..." "Errmmm"

I told my hun about what we talk in it... and My bb said that I did a great job... At least I did answer those questions... Was asking me about what you will explain about the connection problem? Well... Its a really good question.. Dont have a correct answer actually... Just have to try ur best and explain till the customer feel better... I did stuck for a moment but at the end I still get to answer him a bit... Hopefully I am not as bad as I think :(

Sometime, Something, you better not to know so you wont feel bad/anything about knowing it... This is very true... A new friend told me that... Cause I am asking him on how much he get for salary... LoL and now I realise its kinda personal... I knew some new friend recently... and learn something from some of them... Btw... That "something" that I shouldnt know is... T.T my comment from the guy who interview me was just "Ok La"... T.T not "Not Bad"... Sigh~ a bit disappointed... But I am ok right now..

Bubu,know him thru the new game that I am playing now... First sight about him was not very good(I mean in game)... cause he is full with those %$#@# words(not full with but quite often)...Then slowly I get to know him better... He was a nice person... nice friend to me... But just one thing that I dont really like is... After reading my blogs... He start to comment me on my life... >< honestly I just dont really like people that is trying to open up my heart and see me thru... Its like being naked in front of people... T.T sorry bubu i really dont mean to be bad to u... I know you really want to help me... Sigh~ and now bubu just left his acc for me and never say anything T.T... Dont wry bubu.. I wont touch a thing... Waiting for u to come back...

Mr C, a very "cute" lil bro... I knew he thru my hun... I dunno how to describe him... A very "funny" person... Sometime he will be very serious and sometime he will be very "NOT" serious... LoL! Thats how I describe him... Oh ya.. Currently he is looking for a girl friend... Anyone interest? We can make some appointment here... ROFL! I wonder if he know about this will kill me or not T.T... btw... His words sometime really wake me up... "Sometime you really dont have to tell them "ALL" and dont be so "Serious" about it"... Just like today... He asked me "Why so serious?"... He is right... Why so serious? Its just a game... Oh ya... with lots of botters' game... XD

Mr G, a new friend that I knew in game but still thru my hun... He was the one who told me about dont ask dont know and wont feel... Two thumb up for him... Not very close with him but can feel that he is a not bad person... hehe... Nice to meet ya btw although u wont read this...

and MY VERY FIRST FAN---- Dreamer! Yo man! Finally meet you!!! How many years we been knowing each other? XD and Thanks Thanks Thanks!!! For introduce me and my hun for the job... You are our life saver!!! *muackkk* :p Oh ya... We still owe u half burger... When you free to go eat with us ah? Hahaha... Call me wo... Oh ya... Where is my Cup ah?

Wow... Today I just write so much... and one more thing... BB I love you!!! Sorry for the last few week... I am ok now... Get rid of the stupid things already.... :p Your still my LOVEST darling... *muackkkk*

What Should I Do?

2008-08-23T23:49:00.002+08:00

Everyday seem has become days living in the hell for me... I do nothing beside sleep , eat , poo poo , bath , and "game"... I am not addicted to it actually... Just feel like I got nothing better to do... Still waiting for the job's reply... But I keep thinking If I could handle the job...

I failed many times and made people feel disappointed about me... Sigh~ I wonder who know that I really dont mean it... They all say that I have "NO" responsibility and take working as "game" (play play only)... Sigh~ I really dont! I paid all my heart into it... I worked hard... I dont even dare to "relax"... I just cant stand the communication... People are hard to guess... Who really treat u with heart and who dont... I am really weak on it... I did try to hold it hard inside..
Until the day I went collapse and cry out loud... I scared my mom and others... I feel like myself is dying during that period...

I feel scare now... I have a serious problem on how to "let go" all the stuff... I take things too serious on mind... I dunno If I can handle this job this time... Should I try? Will I hurt someone again? T.T I really dont want to be a bad one again... I feel tired for my life... Really really tired...

Nice "Block"

2008-08-13T03:02:00.001+08:00

Thanks for blocking... Hahaha... Really thanks...
So now I can tell myself... Stop thinking about everything now...
No more... Really no more... Thanks for blocking still...

Days cant reverse I always know... Things already happen mean
already happen... Nothing can change it... Still... Thanks a lot...
Would be a good memory for me...

Thanks for blocking... I can end up everything now...
*Story close*

Headache, I am So Headache

2008-08-13T02:12:00.002+08:00

"Wasted" 11 days on a game that made me so crazy about it...
Get know with some people inside... Well... My blog is for me to write
whatever I want... Just want to say... Dont try to change me and
tell me what to do cause I really hate it... Look inside my heart? Never!

Recently I am so freaking emo and headache about everything...
I feel sick on him... very very... Starting to think If I should back to be alone...
Everyone tell me to work... Guys... You really think that I dont want to work?
Hahahaha... I got nothing to say... I dont have to explain to everyone.. Really...
At least I know what I doing and what I want...

One thing that I am pretty sure now is... I really need money! I am totally broke!
Its sad when you see your thing already spoilt but you dont have the money
to get a new one... and He dont have as well... Hahahaha... What a life?
Even I wanna start work... He dont seem like care about helping me apply for the job...
A letter that I asked him to type long time ago... Until now... He still havent done it for me...
Well well well... You dont want to feed me.. but also you dont help me to get a job...
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT???????!!!!!!!!!

Well... Maybe you will think... "WHY DONT YOU GO APPLY FOR URSELF?" I will... I will
ask my friend now... I will learn how to type it by myself... I DONT FUCKING WANT TO DEPEND ON HIM ANYMORE!! I will die if I just wait for him to feed me ya... Ok Thank you...
and Bye...

Mr "Kanasai"

2008-07-30T04:00:00.003+08:00

Mother~ Today really DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN angry...
Why? Thanks to that piece of kanasai la.... "Why u always scold your bf one"
I got? Ya I did... So I am bad one.. He so pity always kena scold...
Kanasai! See what you did! No money pay for the car also didnt tell
people... Now after people "tor" it only u start blaming bullshit...
"How I know? You think I want??" HOW YOU KNOW???!!!
YOU THINK YOU WANT?????!!!! *BEEP*(Too rough cant be show)

Mr Kanasai... "Before" you decide to "dont pay" for it that time... U NEVER
THINK DE MEH??????? OFF COURSE PEOPLE WILL "TOR" LA!!!
Ok ok calm down calm down... Since I already "d" "i" "u" him for whole day
already... Congrat to him... Now have to pay all +++++ extra charge which is
RM450~~~~ RM450?!!!!!!! Mother *BEEP** Half month of my salary....
Half month... You know how hard to pass thru that half month only can get
RM450? Hahahah sure u dunno... Half month for me = Half dead...

Mr Kanasai... You know what... You "always" like that... You "NOT FIRST TIME"
lo.... ALL NEVER PLAN NICELY de... Like wait for the sky drop only u decide...
Wedding also... But dont worry... I think it clearly now... I DONT WANT TO
MARRY WITH YOU ALREADY... YES! I DONT WANT MARRY ALREADY!!!
Dude... You really think all the thing can "hold on" as long as me???
6 yearsss.... You "HOLD ON" me for 6 years already!!!!! How many more years
u want to "hold on"? No Thanks... I wont le... Wont be as stupid as last time le...

"Badly in need of support"?? You think only you?? Hahahaha.. Ya I always know...
When I am scolding you... You become "very" pity and I am "very" bad....
Whatever! OK? I really dont have to make myself become so cheap just because of you
---mr kanasai...

Sometime you think you grow up... You dont need support from ur family...
You dont want to borrow money... Nevermind I understand a bit.... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT??
SOMETIME YOU HAVE NO CHOICE!! YOU NEED THEIR HELP STILL!!!!!
See.. This is a very good example... You no money... no pay for the car... People "tor" it away...
O~~~ end up need them to pay also... ++ extra RM450... Mr kanasai... Thanks for ur ermmmmm how to describe??? Whatever~ As in me... Wedding = X cause of ? No money...
Ask me to wait??? 10 years later??? Hahahahahahahahahaha.... OH YA... People suggest me
the fastest way is to... "PREGNANT" ... FUCK OFF LA!! Pregnant? I need to be in that only can
marry out?? Ridiculious! If you ask me a day ago... I will stilll thinking about marry him...
Wait a while never mind... But now... No thanks le... I really doubt it... This man can give me happiness?? A man that without any planning for everything...

Mr kanasai... You disappointed me too many time... I wont break up with you de..
Dont worry...but I also wont marry with you de... Its useless le... Everything is over already...
You knew it long time ago dont you? Just u dont want to face it...

Ignore? Busy? Whatever

2008-07-28T16:52:00.003+08:00

Recently I wrote many stuffs... About myself or others...

www.wretch.cc/blog/iReobe (my mandarin blog)
and
www.wretch.cc/blog/xuanne (english version)
and
yinsum1610.spaces.live.com (my spaces in Mandarin)

Well... Almost everynight sleep late for them... But sometime
when I staring on my msn list... Suprised that I cant find
those who i used to "chat" with.. Or just dont reply me...

Fine... Its still up to u guys... Trying to tell myself that...
"Maybe they are busy?" Whatever now... You know
that I shoudnt care... But I will mark it down...

Ok... I really dunno what to write with english...
Guess I will be stopping here...

Feel free to visit my mandarin blogs... Thx...

I Hate It When Its Crowded!

2008-07-27T22:52:00.004+08:00

Sunday , the day that I hate the most..Sunday always made me feel bad...

Today went to "Mid Valley" with my hon...
Put some simple make-up on(cause I really look like "dead" person now)...
Just trying to be a friend of "pretty"... but seem like there is still long way to go...

Super crowded... We cant find a place which is "less" people for our "brunch"...
Mood started become bad... Well... I really hate to see a lots of people...
I started blaming him why bring me here... and my stupid shoe hurt my feet which
made me feel very very pain... GRRRRRRR.... So...
Feet Pain + Hungry + Crowded = Mood very suck...
End up we went back to somewhere near our parking for our brunch...

Curry chicken Rice... our brunch... Not very very nice but kinda expensive...
and... gotta wait very very long... Ok... Mood start feeling better now...
Met with "Dreamer"... First time oh... We used to know each other for such a
long time... and He used to listen to my songs(I compose, I sing de)... Hahaha...
But seem like... My hon more close with him...

Anyway... I really really want to thanks him... Appreciate his help...

Went to "pasar malam" just now... Bought many foods... Feel kinda happy...
But still... Crowded... Sigh~

How Should I Face You?

2008-07-25T03:34:00.005+08:00

How long didnt we talk? Since last year my birthday? Hahahaha... Although everything is pass...
but seem like... Its kinda hard for us to start talking back... Maybe you and me = same type...
I dont start a "Hi" n so dont you... Still angry huh? Hahaha... I am the one who start it first....
Well... I never say I didnt... But... :p "whatever"

Tried to ask you join us swimming for few times... Rejected... Well... Never mind its still up to you...
To be honest... Used to swim with you and some others... Now when everytime I want to go swimming... I sure think of you guys first... 2 people swim just too bored... Sigh~

Today saw you also... I dunno that if I should "look" at you or just pretend to look at some other place... Damn!! I show my bad face again... Sorry lo... I just dunno what kind of "face" that I should use to "face" u... Used to play together but now... Aihz... Almost 1 year we didnt talk? Since my last birthday... Ya la Ya la.. I so mean la... But you also ma... -.- Where got boy can angry so long also? :( Dunno why I so so so so so "UNCONTROLABLE".. Why must run when I see you?? -.- So automatic liao... Honestly... I still dunno how to start a "Hi" with you... GRRR...
Why dont you start a "Hi" with me first leh? =.= @#$@$%!(didnt mean to scold bad)

Until now I still cannot find out... What is that feeling? Do I like you? love you? angry you? or just feel "good" about u? But I am sure is... My heart beat "didnt" increase when I see you... But then... I still... Like to see you... What do that mean? GRRRR!!! Why am I always do stupid things? Sigh~ Dont worry... I guess I will be ok very soon... Maybe its good for us for staying like this... At least I can make sure I wont fell for you... Yea... Maybe...

Today hardly can skate... All of them are practising for the coming skate asia... Just did few jumps n back spins... Sorry... wk.. I didnt mean to block ur student... :( sorry...

Me ,The Bus and The LRT

2008-07-25T02:44:00.003+08:00

Today I woke up at around 10am... Found out honey already went out to work..
Swt... I dont realise when he wake(sleeping like a piggie).. Since I got nothing to do...
So I force myself to sleep back... XD Nice... I rewake at around 1 something... :( No food!!
Called mum.. -.- Nothing good to eat.. Better cook it myself.. Tom Yam!!! Yummy ^^

Ate it.. Ok.. Look at the pc... No mood for it... Decide to go "ICE SKATING".. But how??
Sigh~ "BUS LO".. Call mum again.. "Mum..fetch me to the LRT pls" Ok... Done packing
everything , changed clothes.. Clock show "3pm" before I walk out from the door... Woot..
So long never take LRT/Bus.. Hope there is no any changes..

"1 ticket to Plaza Rakyat pls".. ermm.. Forgot how much it cost...Opps.. My skates almost
stuck me when crossing the entries(dunno what it call) .. Oh ya.. Mum told me to "cover up"
my "ugly" skates with the black bag... Hehehe.. So no one looking at me for it so far...

On train/Lrt... Alone sitting there and watching outside view... Hate it when you found out
someone is keeping their eyes on u... The opposite man do.. =.= "See what See.. Want a Fight?"
Ok nvm.. Just wait for my Plaza Rakyat... Guess what? >< I wanna PEEEE!!!! Cannot , no
toilet around... T.T "tahan" Finally... It reached Plaza Rakyat..

Walk walk walk... Just follow my old memory... "Yeeeee..." Met a girl that I knew when I
worked in that music centre... Pull her bag... "Hi".. Hahaha... She is kinda blur... Told her I
didnt work there anymore...Forgot to ask for her contact.. >< Since we both rushing for
our things... And ya... I found my bus... "Number 13"

Dont worry if you dunno which bus going "sunway"... Cause they will automatic "scream" it
out... " Sunway Pyramid/Sunway Lagoon" "Sunway Pyramid/Sunway Lagoon"... Ok...
found a nice seat for myself... With AIRCON!!!! Cool.. I got them both... :( But what I dont really
happy with... Both next seat "neighbour" = Man... GRRRRRRR... Nvm Nvm... Just think about
my sunway pyramid n ice skating...

Forgot how long the bus take... I reached sunway pyramid n the ice rink at around 5pm... LOL!!!
So... I START MY LOVELY SKATING Then~~~~~

Blogs Geek

2008-07-23T13:53:00.002+08:00

LoL... I just realise so far I owns 3 Blogs... XD Happy ^^
Msn space , wretch n this... Msn space used to blog with
mandarin + english... Wretch is full of mandarin... and This
is plain english... ^^

Jobless now... Everyday so free... Just "eat , sleep , toilet
n play" only... :( Im blogging most of the time.. Thinking
what to write... Kinda jealous about others' blog... They did
it so nice n amazing.. Sigh~ Mine just plain plain... Suddenly
the writing mood came to me... Yesterday I wrote 3 page
of some different story or they called it "Free Writing"...

About "Snowflake Fell In Love With Sunshine"...
"Figure Skating - White Costume" n "My Lovely -White"
... All in mandarin... I am better with mandarin... Can just
write out what I think...

For today... I dunno what to do... Thinking about going skate..
But lazy :( Have to take bus n then bla bla bla... Sigh~
But staying at home is really boring... Blog? :( I am now...
But today blogging mood is a bit weak... Dunno what to write...
I wish something pretty will come out from my mind...

Recently I love listening to others' love story... Many type of
story... I m watching how they cross thru their problem...
Love is such an amazing thing n a miracle... It hurt but still...
People will just go for it... (Ok Bullshit is out~)

Stop for now... ^^ Bye...

What I been Up To?

2008-07-22T14:02:00.003+08:00

Since I quit the "clerk" job... I am kinda free these days...
But too bad... My bb just found his new job and fighting
with it now... Well... The "clerk" job was my very first
step into a job... From the moment I left my contact
and sitting there to wait for them to interview me...
and everything go so smooth(out of my thought)...
They take me as an admin... Although I was interview as
a sales... Well... They said I need to learn about the admin
stuffs before I learn about the sales stuff...

I am so into this job... Try my best to do all the
paperworks... Just a bit dont used to it... Since I hate
paperworks so much... Feel abit dizzy on the first 3days..
Haha... But end up I quit it... Why?
My heart cant stand it... I feel unfair... I hate that girl
who used to work with me... Politic? Ya...
She used to treat you good... but U really dunno what is
inside her... Selfish? ya.. She "sell" fish.. (just kidding)...
She can do everything but you cant... Hahaha... Well...
Just forget about it... Its all pass now... As long as I am happy
now... Then its enough... Just hate about they giving me some
names of "Playful girl , Emo girl , No Responsible" while I quit...
Whatever!

Recently Me n my bb are planning about our wedding...
Looking for the rings ^^... Yep I am sooner become an
"auntie" LOLLLL... Hope thing go smoothly as well...
Saving for the dinner budget... :p Need to get myself in
another new job as well...

OH YA!!! Since I so free nowadays.. I will be skating until the
coming "SKATE ASIA"... COOL!!!! Cant wait to see them skate...
Hehehe...

Oh.. Its 2008 and Sooner 2009

2008-07-21T19:10:00.002+08:00

Haha.. Day by day... It already go so far... I still didnt realise it...
Oh ya.. If u ask me how I am so far.. I will tell u... Fine or maybe
not very fine... LoL bullshit? XD I am still me... A girl with lots of
nonsense... Well.. This is the way I can stay happy...

Not very happy actually... Many things happened... I am force to stop
my piano n ice skating classes... Which I love the most... Well...
I cant do anything about them... I dont have any extra money to
"waste" on them anymore... Why "waste"?

Since I know I can never pass grade 8 or get more than freestyle
6... Why not huh? Haha... Trust me on this... Dont try to "dream"
it when you already know its "done"... But still... Its kinda waste..
Since I already spent the past years for them...

Future... a serious question... What would u like to do on ur future?
"????" my answer... Maybe if u asked me a couple years ago.. I definately
will answer u.. "Ice Skating Coach!" or "Piano Teacher"... but now...
I dont think the same...

Ice skating coach.... A job that can make u say out loud between you friend..
and enjoy about the proud it gave... Hahaha... But its really "not easy"...
Can you make sure the students that u taught... Can skate as nice as
the professional skater? and you sure what u teach them is the correct one?
How if they cant win in their competition? See... Lots of problems...
To be honest.. For now.. I have no confidence at all on coaching anyone to become
a pro skater... So... I failed to be a coach...

Piano teacher?? Well... I love teaching piano as well... you feel great when you
turn someone from dont even know how to play "Twinkle Twinkle Star" become
can play some simple pop songs... Well.. but I still dont qualified to be a piano teacher..
I still need 2 more grades... But I am tired about taking the exam now... and I just found
out... I might be the worst piano player in my school... Although I passed my grade 6..
So how? I cant even play a complete Beethoven's song... Haha.. Sometime It really
dont count on what grade you have... It count on how much u got inside u.. If I can afford..
I wish to start from 0 again.. Learn as much as I can... Exspecially the CHORDSSS... Omg!
I love playing chords now... They are awsome!!!!

Why I Just Cant Mix With Them

2007-11-22T22:07:00.000+08:00

Bad Days... All the troubles looking for me at once... Trying to open a new saving account... Rejected just because My Card cannot scan... What The... Wasted one hour waiting there end off I cannot open a new account... Suck! Somemore now I dunno where to change My Card... AND Will they charge me for it? F*ck! Where the hell I got the money to pay for it... YES I AM DAMN HELL POOR NOW!!!! I dont care about my face now... I just want MONEY!

Working... Not as smooth as I think It was... Everything is like different compare with last time... When I am not a coach yet... The relationship is better... Now? I feel like everyone dont like me already.... Dunno why just feel like... These days I am damn lonely and sad... Feel like whatever I did... Just will pissed them off... What should I do? Dont care now... Whatever... Cant mix cant mix...

I swear here... I WONT lick that shit's toe for money... NEVER!!! Dont even think that I will call him as a "d a d" now... I prefer "dead"... OK FINE... NO MOOD AT ALL.... Bye!

They Both The Same

2007-11-20T13:08:00.000+08:00

Monday I worked... Got 2 Classes... Both Chinese... Quite fun... After working.. Then only I realise its not easy for me... I used to do whatever I want... Now I have to listen and listen and listen... Just one problem that I dont really understand... Why all others can come into my bf's shop and sit for a while.. But me cant? Just because I am his gf? Well... Whatever... Just work until 31 dec.. Quite... Although its fun... But I dont suit here... Salary only can get on next year... Big company wo... What to say? Speechless... This remind me last time I help Jen's friend dance for once... Until now after one year... I still havent get any payment... I dunno who should I belief with... Whatever I dont care now... I already know all of them IS THE SAME... Just dont belief what you see... They will betray you ANYTIME... Set you up without any reason... I dont want to learn anymore... Really useless... Somemore... I really dont have any money left... I am regret now... Why would I spent all my saving in this STUPID sport... Well... Cant complain I know...

Family... Haha... They both the same... BULLSHIT... Woman got another man... and that FUCKING old man now wanna stop paying for my lesson... FINE... If I stop also I wont lost ANYTHING... Go Ahead Fucker... Dont care now... If you die... Dont wish that I will waste any of my tears.... I dont even want to be there to watch ur face... YES... Keep your money down there OK? About that woman... Happy now? By keep cheating on another man's money... Even people got wife... Enjoy that? But dont worry... The world is fair... It give u something and WILL get something from u too.... So Lets see... What u will get... Hahaha... How I wish I like others... Either parent dead... or just happy with parent... I got none... They dont die YET and We are NOT HAPPY together....

Am I dont worth to stay alive?

I am Working Now

2007-11-18T23:43:00.001+08:00

Haha.. Just started yesterday... Stand by around the rink until 8.30pm only get my FIRST student... How to describe him? He is cute! ermm... A bit chubby... Well... He is consider chubby or u can call it overweight... I didnt mean to talk bad about him... Luckily I asked others coaches before... About what kind of student we normally will face... Ok... Never mind... Try my best to teach... First of all... Show him how to stand... Marching... Off ice... He can did it very well... Just when we go INTO the ice... He start rushing... Cant really march on the ice... I feel something is wrong... Check about his skate... Actually I think maybe not because of the skate... Just he put his weight to the wrong edge... Ok nvm.. Just go on... Asked him to hold to the wall... Try to stand straight and balance... Wow! NP at all... 10 seconds he can stand on the ice without holding anything... Just when I ask him to march... Ok... Rushing again... No choice... Must hold him... Hold until he finish his first round... Then we march again with holding to the wall... Still cant really march... Nvm... Hold him and walk another round... I think maybe he stand feeling tired and pain... His step totally mess up... I feel so worry... "OMG! Why I keep teaching but he still cannot balance and walk?" "Where is the problem? Is it the way I coach got mistake?" "Parent sure complain me then"

After 30 minute class... Although how hard I try... Still... He need to hold to the wall and holding by me... Cannot skate alone... Said sorry to his father... His father such an understanding customer... He said thanks to me... I explain to him that his son need to skate more to get his balancing... Luckily... My first lesson not as bad as I think it was... Feel bad cause after 30 minute lesson... The student still cannot skate by his own... After that day... I quickily ask Others about how to solve if I facing the same kind of student again... Get some tips... Remember them now... Now I know what is the proper way to teach when facing them again...

Today woke at 8 something cause I promise Auntie LF to be at the rink around 9... Guess what happen? T.T She didnt come today... Sigh~ Should sleep more... Never mind just stand by there... Today's first lesson... with a little girl who called Ah Nia... She is a skinny and very active... I thought should be easier... NO!! Why? Because she didnt concerntrate at ALL!! Sigh~ Although how hard I try to ask her.. "Ah Nia.. Look at me please" "Ah Nia... Show me this.." "Ah Nia.. Slowly walk" I belief that she got the talent on skating... Just cannot focus... Keep looking around... After 30 minute lesson... Said thanks to his father... His father told me that she will come again on next Saturday and take walk in lesson with me again... Quite happy about that... But just... Things always change... End up he sign up a private lesson with HJ... Sigh~ What can I say? Never mind...

Then my second lesson is with a little boy... Which 3 brothers taking walk in but 1 with me and 2 with HJ... Mine is the youngest... First step into the rink... Ask him to stand straight and balance... Not bad... Start teaching him how to march on ice... Good... Although a bit slow... But at least he listen... I like him very much... Ok start walking now... 2 steps then stand straight... Finish our first round... Adding more and more steps for him... Then teach him how to glide... Although slow but at least he can do it... Without holding my hand! Good!! So Talent man... He fell few times... But when I ask if he is ok or pain... "I am OK! No pain!" haha... Tough guy... After 30 minute... He can skate by his own... Slowly step one by one... Teach him how to get up from falling... My pant get wet :( Cause I show him how to fall and how to get up... HJ laugh at me T.T... Bad Hj~! XD Told his father about how is his lesson... I said... "He is very good in balance.. Can skate very well" Haha... Thanks to him.. Made me so happy... Really cant describe the feeling when u teach one person from they dunno how to skate till they can skate by their own...

Wait till night... 7 something... HJ went to gym.. Left me alone... Suddenly the school call me... Asking me where is HJ... Told them she is in gym... Ask if they need coach now? YES!! 2 walk in... NICE MAN!!!! 2 sisters... eldest one 16 and youngest one is 10... Haha... Their mother ask if there is any "bigger" size coach around cause she is worry if I cannot hold the eldest one... Bigger size than me... I told her not to worry cause I will teach her how to hold to the wall and hold my hand... First... I teach the jie jie... Then I ask the mei mei stay outside and practise how to march... First step into the ice... Jie jie can balance and stand 5 seconds for me... Now marching... I think adult is easier to communicate... Everything is fine... But jie jie too worry about falling... haha.. She told me that her leg feel pain because she used too much power to step each step... Told her to relax... I said its easy dont worry... Just dont feel scare or else u will so easy fall... Although jie jie is slow.. But at least... She also can balance with herself... 1 step by 1 step... We finish our first round... Then mei mei's turn... Jie jie following behind us... Although jie jie's class finish... But I still taking care about correct her...

Mei mei's class start... First step... LOL! She is SO SCARE... Told her not to scare because I will hold her... Marching... Good... Talented... So fast... We can do our 2 foot glide already... Mei mei skate faster... Haha... I told their mom... "Jie jie good in walking.. Mei mei good in gliding.." LOL! Hope them will come again... Play with them about swizzle... with both hands holding to the wall... Told them... Push a bit open ur leg then close back... Mei mei so fast get it... Jie jie slower... Ask me why she cannot close back? Haha I said.. "Off course la.. Cause u open TOO BIG la" 3 of us laughing together... This class was really fun... ^^ Mei mei 's hand position from high high getting lower and lower... end up become a penguin on ice... She said her hand very tired... Haha... We skate until the rink close... From 7 30 to 8 30...

Finish work... Go back... Now... Sitting here typing... Going to sleep soon... Tomorrow try to wake up early... If really cant only I go late... So now... Good night~

I Got The Answer

2007-11-01T13:09:00.000+08:00

Thursday... Just met with him... Finally got the answer from him... Not a bad one but definately not a good one... I knew that life is hard... But just dunno Its this hard... Should I step in? Or give up? Like usual... He said I have "poor communication"... Actually I shouldnt complain anything here anymore... Since I want to grow up now... I wanna learn... Learn to grow up Learn to accept... Learn how to work in a team... Actually should thanks him... At least he did gimme a chance... I will accept it... OK... I already think clearly... ^^

I think I should be the first to say hi or something... Maybe a Sorry... I will do it... OK... End now... Hope today will be a good day for me...

When I Feel Bored

2007-10-31T00:08:00.001+08:00

Just start working on monday... Selling handphones.... Kinda bored... and I am quite "out"dated.. Lucikly... Still got customer willing to buy phone from me... Sold 2 out... Haha... Then today wasnt that good "luck"... 0 phone out... T.T Does this mean no salary for me? T.T Sigh~ So when I was bored... I wrote many things in some papers... About love... About a letter that I wanted to write so long... About some others stuffs... Just simply write...

LOL... One of them is about... I think myself dont like that guy anymore... The one used to be the one I like the most... Just excited when I saw him last 2 days ago... My heart beats doesnt change to a high speed for him... Does it mean... I Dont like him anymore? XD Great!!! The my heart still got a little free space now? XD Grrr... *slap myself* I know I know... XD I got my BB already... Shouldnt think about others now... LOL... Honestly... The place I work now... Everyday can see quite many "handsome" one... Just walk through me... Since my stall near with "toilet"... LOL... Dont worry its not smelly... Hope my heart strong enough... Can stay away from the handsome one... Dont worry... BB still the best!!! XD

By the way... Today I received a call... From K... She told me that "he" is looking for me... Made me feel so excited... I dunno what he gonna tell me... K told me was a good news... But I dont want myself feel so happy about it first... Cause... Always when I hope it so much... It disappointed me then... I hope thursday can come faster now... Cause we will meet at Thursday... "GOD! Please dont fool me anymore!!!!" *I pray*

Just went to the party... Ionna won the 2nd places... I did vote for her ^^... Kawaii!!!! Beside this... Everything still the same... I am thinking... Should I be the first who say "hi"? Will I get respond from her then? I just dunno how and where to start... Sigh~ Whatever....

I am Quiting

2007-10-28T16:31:00.000+08:00

Twisted again... Made me feel really bored... Everyday spend with the pain... So I think... Why should I still making myself injured because of this? I know that I will never get anything back from this... Nah... Now I dont want anything back from this... It used to be my everything once... Although mom n dad always ask me to quit... I dont listen... and Now I start to feel regret... Why dont I listen? Look at my foot... Both of them with extra "bones" or "meat" or whatever u call... Look so scary... and my Right leg... my Back... always in pain... Its ruined my future... I have to spent the rest of my life with all these pain...

Axel? Although I can land... But... Is it really that good?? I mean although u can land it... But why do u want it so much? For me... Yea... Honestly... I feel so proud when I landed my axel... But try to think back... I paid a lots for it... My all Saving for the skate... My time... and My both leg... Twisted many times.... Does it really worth? If you ask me two week ago... You will get a YES... I WILLING TO DIE FOR IT... But the truth is...
I really cant... I really cant waste anything, anymore on it... Yea... After freestyle 6 Test... I will stop... LOL Why after 6? Since I got double sal... I cant waste it... Just try my best... If failed then never mind lo... Hahaha...

Will start working soon... Although I really dont like it... But no choice... I gotta work... Or else I will be suffer for the spends of the days... and Its time to save for money to prepare a nice present for my honey.... <3 <3
Wanna learn again singing... So gotta work harded now... Should practise hard on my piano now... Grade 7 d... v(^.^)v.... Actually I know I am not good enough on my piano... Sigh~ So lazy... What to do...

Friends... Hehe... I got em back... I really should grow up a bit... But gimme some time... I am still learning.... I know I am childish now... Just gimme some time...

Yesterday.Today and Tomorrow

2007-10-27T01:00:00.000+08:00

Wow... I am kinda "Hardworking" this month~ XD Wrote so many stuffs here... Is good~ =p....Maybe just because this month is my birth month~ XD got quite many presents this year... Hahaha... Got my first "Roxy" t-shirt from A.C.Milan,A.Jennifer,Dian n Bee Leng.... Thanks a lot... haha... Although I know they wont read this... then a "Nike" t-shirt from A.Irene... Thanks Thanks... How come she know that I love Nike so much? XD then 2 Converse t shirt from Aiza and somebody... and a Kawaii Cup from S.C...and an Angpao... haha...

Wanna know what present my honey buy for me?? =p SECRET!!!! LOL.... Jk... Actually... His present is.... "NO LIMIT WALKING ATM MACHINE x 1"(My boyfriend lo) WAKAKAKAKA.... Nice? No la... Just lemme buy those that I need and I wanted so much one lo... Hehe... ^.^

Lets back to the topic... What I did Yesterday???ermmm... Friday - Skating Lesson... Fell badly....yea again.... then TWISTED my right leg AGAIN.... Super bad luck right? Sigh~ Then... ermmm... Nothing much.... Played with some kids.... I love kids... Dont you realise that? XD Made some bracelet for them... Ionna still hate me T.T... Knew a new little gal named Hally... She is cute... At least she loved me ^^ Then have dinner with A.C.Milan ,U.Wong and Dian...

Today? ermmm.... So exited about the date later(Red Box Sing K)... With Kwan... So long time didnt see her already... Honestly... She is such a good person... Although I did so many bad things on her last time... She still forgive me and still staying there waiting for me... Sigh... I feel myself like a child who has lost her way... and now finally find the way to get back home... Thanks a lot Kwan... I just dunno why I always like that... Sigh~

Tomorrow.... Honestly I got no plan for tomorrow... Sunday... Seem to be a bad day for me... If I go to the ice rink... I will meet those I dont like de... LOL Dont be suprise about that.... I got quite " ALOT " enermies.... Will stay home maybe... Kinda like my house now cause I can sleep all I want... Then play the computer and piano all I want... No one will disturb me... XD No one at home how to disturb me leh... =.="

Well... Its all for now... Good night~

New Life New Hairstyle

2007-10-24T03:19:00.000+08:00

I decided to start my new life... with my new hairstyle... LOL... Actually nothing special there.. Really... Just I think I need a "New Look"... From inside to outside... ermmm... Just pass my birthday... Done a small party... Honestly... That party was cool and fun... But no more... Cause I ignore some of them now... Read the previous page and you will know why... Grrr... Whatever~

I am me,myself... I swear already I wont let "anyone" to hurt me... No one not anymore... I ignore few of them... Although just because of some very "small" case... for you guys maybe... But for me... Its enough to lemme stay away from them... Dont too over joking on me... Serious... I am not those type that can "PLAY"... I cannot... I so "small gas"... Really... So... Bla~

I did something really bad... Yea I know its... No choice... This is me... When you are "NOT" my friend anymore... Why should I treat u as a "friend"? XD Nah~ Dont waste our time huh? Dont worry... Actually not their fault or whatever... Just me... Too sensitive... Nah Its fine.. I dont want to change it... I dont think I need to change it.. Since its "ME"... Just remember to stay away... Pretend never know me before... Maybe that is better... I am RUDE am I? XD Never mind... I dont care anything nowaday... I left nothing dont I? XD Ermm Yea I left my Elwin....

Congrat to that Bastard that just go up to my "I HATE THE MOST" list... Num 1.... XD Yea A Boy... Poor Him... Now In My Eyes... He is just a PIECE OF SHIT! Although some of them see him as a god or something... Different person Different eyes... I hate him the most... No Reason... Or Maybe there is TOO MANY Reasons... Now I just dont want to see/ talk about him anymore....

ermmm... Beside these bad things happen... Lets talk about my family... I stopped talking with that "man" aka those u will call as a "dad"... My youngest bro? Sometime sometime... Eldest? Ok Ok lo... Mom? I LOVE MOM! Well sometime... At least... She talk with me everytime... Well... She happy then I also will happy de la....

I am kinda tired about Ice Skating now... Will focus on my piano... It become a Bad Dream for me... Nightmare...

Dear Diary

2007-10-07T02:43:00.000+08:00

Oct...My birth month~ Just realise that it have been a while... I never log into here... Since I stop talking with em? Actually... If you ask me why now... I got no answer for you... But when I go into Phuah's blog... I saw that their life there... Seem so happy... Hahaha... Really... I feel happy for em...

Many things have changed... My life... My Friends list... As I said not long ago in my friendster profile... I am a sensitive person... Friends for me is easy to get but hard to keep... Everytime when I feel or I think that they are going to hurt me... I will leave them... Without reason... or When I feel that I am not that important for them too... Just like today... Disappointed again... Just realise I treat them with my true heart and try my best to help them... I wont get the same treated from them... Seem like I did the stupid things again....I should never ever pay my true heart... Why always just fall into it? Friendship?

Today I cried... I sad... I totally broken heart... There is no one that can really understand and talk to me... Except a new friend who called "Cold"... At least he lemme finish my words... Although he is not that close or that good friend with me... Still... His status is always "Online" for me... At least lemme know that I still got "someone" to talk with... There is a friend... I thought we were good friend... But everytime I talk to her... I will just get this "Ohhhh"... hahaha... Seem like I am not important enough for her... Even when I am in this sad moment... She just rushing offline but not staying for me... Never mind... I know what to do now...

I swear.. Not anymore... My heart my smiling face... I will keep em tightly... No one worth to get em... No one... Except the one I left... Elwin.. My everything... The reason I live for... My Only family... I willing to give all up now... Mom Dad Bros... I willing to give em up... Today I totally see through everything... Clear enough.. Till I feel like... "Is this really my family? Hahahahaha... Why me? This is my life?"

Someone's wedding dinner today... No space for me so I stay at home... Wait till they come back... No one ask that if I eat already... Never mind I wait... Ask mom if she can tapao... Mom busy with friends... Never mind... Dad? Busy working... Come back just a while.. Then rushing out... Never mind.. Wait Elwin... 2am... My brunch I took at 1pm... Feel that I need to eat... Called Jia Yoke... She said she will come and take me... So happy... I wait... Then She called me again... Said cannot make it... She gotta go out with her family... Oh... :( ... Try to wait then... Called Dad again... He said "You think I no need work? I got so much works here... I eat already" Oh... Suddenly feel that... Why just one meal... No one willing to eat with me? Tears cannot control.. I hide in my room... Cry... Looking at my msn list... Found that "Cold" is in online status... Pmed him... and said my things... I guess he dunno that I am crying... I didnt said I cry... finish my words... Feel like no help... Search for another one... Pmed Kar Meng... She is watching drama.. I said nvm... She said is ok... So I told her... Suprise to hear that she havent eat also... Feel much better... Then I saw Kei online.... Pmed her.. Told her... I totally broken heart... She said why... Then i forgot what we chat... but just a while... She rushing to offline... "Oh" Hahahaha... Got it now... She stopped my tears... Instead of making me wanna close my heart from her... No more true heart... I decided to close it tightly... No more smiling face... She dont worth it... Isnt it?

Mood feel better when chatting abit with Cold... Chatting about my pass.. then dad came back... Bathing then he ask that if I wanna go tapao... I feel happy that he still care about me... But so fast... He made me drops into a big deep hole.... Hahaha... While going to tapao... We chat a bit... I asked that if I can eat there instead of tapao... He seem to answer it with a very bad mood... "I got lots of works havent finish.." "Isnt it saturday today?" "So?You think I no need work?" "I thought today u still playing mahjong in afternoon?" "Mahjong is my free time! I got my own free time! Non of ur bussiness! You got car license why dont you drive?" "We can U turn go home actually if you are that busy.. I can dont eat" "Until now only u say this... I already drive this far" "If you are really that busy u can tell me not to go tapao" "Whateva you like to say"
end conversation...

This family.. I really got no hope on it anymore... Marry? Not as simple as you think... Cold told me... " I finally know why u dont trust others " yea... Just because I grow in this family... I learn it... from them... Some words that I always got from him... "If one day I leave this home...You all will be eating shit" "I dont care whateva you all will be in future... I just want to keep my money till I old"

Double Jumps

2007-04-05T02:02:00.000+08:00

Woohoo... Just realise I didnt touch this blog for few months~ XD I am sorry~ Many things happened... But I am too lazy to write em down... Some bad one and some good one...

Recently I am kinda busy on piano,ice skating, and singing class... Out of idea about composing songs T.T... I think my singing improve after taking singing classes(better than last time lo.. but still learning and long long way to go yet... XD)

How about Ice Skating? Woohoo... I started learning double jumps... Double salchow Double toe... and Double loop... I feel good ^^ Although I cant land em yet... Landed double salc few times... Double loop made me fell down badly... About my axel... Sometime lost and sometime landed :) Now I wish to jump higher... Thinking about diet... But sigh~ All knew that I will NEVER succeed =.="

Oh yea.. There is ONE BITCH that VERY VERY pissed me off... She used to "call" herself "ICE PRINCESS of M'sia" and walk with her "small size" boobs upwards.... She is totally a BITCH! Since I start learning ice skating I already feel "dislike" on her... She used to look down on me with her "doggie" eyes... Cause what? She is RICH and I am POOR... Sigh~ Poor me~ Whatever~

Remember there is once... I heard she told her student that "I" DUNNO how to skate(yep she pointed at me) Walao~ She is really "GOOD" in skating la~ With using her "toe pick" ^^ clapping for her... XD I decided to beat her down... And I think NOW... I am on my half way to kick her down from her place... Beside I am not a COACH yet... ^^ Grrr

Last saturday... This bitch "PUSH" my back and said "Excuse Me"... Imaging HOW ANGRY I AM atm... Then she doing her "NICE" spins for the DJs(Dunno what fm's djs came to skate and she in charge on coaching em)... I did the same spins too... ^^ Guess what? OFF COURSE MINE IS MUCH MUCH BETTER LA...(according to the skaters observing my spins) *cough* I aint wanna show off... JUST WANNA BEAT HER... AND LET HER KNOW THAT SHE IS OLD NOW AND NOT ONLY HER CAN DO IT... SO DONT TRY TO CALL HERSELF THE BEST...

She is totally a "COPY CAT" too... Saw her teaching one of her student "double loop" today(that student cant even land axel yet...)... LOL Just because she saw I LEARN it yesterday????? XD Ok.. If This is what she want... I accept it... Bring It On... I will PRACTISE HARDER from now on... Lets see...

+some news... I watch how she losing during the competition to 2 small kids... She CANT land her axel nor double salchow now... I dont join competition cause I dont have those "extra" money to spend... But everyday I am challenging myself and my friends... Just want to break records... I "will" show off when I feel like I "want" to... and To "THOSE" who like to "show off" XD...This is how I am~

"Dear Miss S :
:p :p :p :p
Kiss My Ass?????"

My songs

2007-02-28T12:44:00.000+08:00

Recently I found myself in love with composing songs... and I just realise Its not easy at all... I accept my friends' comments... So I keep on changing the rhythm n lyrics... But I dunno If its better now... Honestly... Its kinda hard for me to accept comments... When I got the bad comments... I will be sad for sure(Well many times)... The first song I compose.. Not many of them(my friends) seem to be loving it.. :( Cept Kwan... ^^ She like the lyrics.. Thanks ^^ and I feel like dont want to change the first song(Dui Bu Qi) anymore... I feel like Its already lost the very first rhythm I compose last time... T.T

Last night.. I slept at 5am... Why? Because song idea suddenly come to me... I made another new song without midi... "Qi Ji" Oh god! I am so happy about the new one... The first person I sent it to.. He said he love it.. But.. His words hurt me a lot.. He said that I should let others to sing the song I compose... I know where is my singing problem... Voice viberation(dunno if I spell it wrong)... I cant control it well... That is why I wanna learn singing.. But today when I ask my mom to bring me look for a teacher... U guys guess what the fucking words she said? "Insane.. Dont waste the money.." How selfish she is! She said if I am "Lucky" to find a teacher... Then I have to drive there and she is not fetching me(I almost bang people's car last time.. now I dont really dare to drive)

Till the end.. I still feel like I wanna sing back the songs I made.. I wasted my bed time to make those.. I love singing that is why I compose.. So.. My songs.. I will sing them myself... and.. I HATE U MOM!

Done Performance~ Valentine's Day Coming Soon <3

2007-02-12T00:32:00.000+08:00

YAY!!! BRAVO!!!! ^^ Finally the performance days are end now ^^ >.< I miss my hair styles now T.T Everything is good today... Just my hair style today look like "Chun Li" XD or Sailormoon~ T.T I think Its weird for me... But they said still OK.. =.=" I did smile for the show today... Hahahahah... Exspecially the LAST show~ Crowded again~ Today my dress not that tight like yesterday already.. Mom sew it for me ^^ (But keep on saying I so "Ma Fan" =.=") Yea.. I think maybe because of my good friend SC~ So that girl start to talk "a bit" with me.. Today she help me to "clip" my hair(cause its messy already XD) Teaching me a bit on some spins.. Should say Thanks then.. LoL... But one of my good friend(also SC's good friend) still dont really like her...

Sunway gave me 5 FREE tickets for skating as my reward... XD 5 Tickets also got my name on it... "Thank You bla bla bla for the performance "1 Night in Shanghai"" Hahahaha... Is Happy ^^ At least I think I pay RM35 is worth it~ 5 Tickets~ <3 <3

Today I reach home about 5pm.. VERY TIRED.. but still so happy ^^ So I slept from 6pm until 11pm~ Still a bit tired now... Gonna sleep so soon I think.. After some movies n anime..

Oh yea... Just now went dinner with my BB... He asked what I want for the valentine's day... I just realise its coming SOON.. =.=" Blur blur me.. I told him no need to buy or just save money for my skating lessons(lol yea.. he sponsor me now).. Maybe just buy 2 ribbons... one tie on me and one tie on him.. XD then we exchange present... Hahahahaha.... Lets see... T.T The performance bring me happy but still... It made my hair become not as straight as last time already T.T MY HAIR!!! T.T So sad about It T.T

Performance Days

2007-02-10T20:55:00.000+08:00

I cant feel my leg... XD Too tired... Since Tuesday until now... Today is the second performance day.. Everything is fine( I think ).. Kwan n Phuah come to see the show yesterday(Friday Night) and Jun Loong came today ^^.... Thanks again to them for coming~ But here I gotta say sorry to Jun Loong cause I cant really chat much with him(show time start).. Didnt even say bye when I saw him going back... :( Sorry Jun Loong~

Today finally that high level girl talk to me.. Asking my name.. She seem much better than last time.. At least the way she looking at you wont let u feel she is looking down on u anymore... Is good ^^

My "chiong sam" really DAMN BIG for me... But today the girl(yea that one)'s mom help me to sew a bit... so Its TIGHT now.. =.= too tight~ XD Look really scary~ What made me so happy today is... MY HAIR STYLE!!! I am loving it.. XD

Tomorrow there will be the last performance already~ So Good Luck to myself~

Pennyless( I Need To Get A Job! )

2007-02-07T21:20:00.000+08:00

*sigh* I am currenly looking for a part time job... I need to get some money to pay my skating lessons fees... T.T Today I am kinda happy cause I learned 1 hour skating... Feeling good even Its tired... Damn!! Made me want to take 1 hour lesson next time... But I need lots of money for it... T.T RM520 per month If I want to take 1 hour per lesson... >.< GOD! I am JOBLESS now... How to pay RM520??? T.T

Somemore my dad getting silly nowaday... His temper getting bad... and This is what he will say when he is in bad mood... "Dont ask me for money anymore" "One day I am gonna leave this house(my house,my family) with my money" =.= So... I need to stand by now.. If one day he really STOP supporting me in money(for piano lesson) *sigh* Guys~ Any job for me??? T.T *poor me*

I might try to ask for the job at "pasar pagi"(market there)... Those work start at 6am- 1pm or something like that~ Its good for me I think XD ^^

Sad Night

2007-01-29T02:55:00.002+08:00

I am sad... Crying... For Wei Lun(taiwan artist)~ She just passed away... I just knew it from the newspaper and website... She got badly injured in the car accident on 27 Jan.. Right now I am thinking... Her friends must be sad n crying badly now... I totally can understand how it feel when one of friend leaving u in this way... I am so sad about this... She is still young~ 28 years old... and She is just starting to be more famous(although she is already popular in taiwan).. *sigh* Rest In Peace... Wei Lun...

Its made me think of my grand mother... She passed away about 6 years ago... Till now I still... Cannot forgive myself... I am such a bull shit to my grand mother... I love her very much... More than my own parent... Cause she is always be there when I am sad or alone... But when she fell in sick... Everything changed(is a very long story)... I did take good care of her at the first few time... I study to get know which is the best for her to eat(for healthy)... Which she shouldnt eat... But... Her memory become very bad.. Sooner she changed like a kid.. Is very weird for me.. and My mom started telling me how bad is she(last time she is kinda fierce on us)...I started feeling "hate" on her...So I stop visiting her... I pretend that I am busy at school... Or I just dont go inside the house to see her Even I am there... I still remember I heard grand mother said this to my mom... "Where is sum?? Why dont come n visit me one? Why she angry me?" I speechless... If u ask me why... I can tell u... I dunno why...

Until the day... Mom receive Uncle's phone call... He said grand mother Is weird.. Sleeping so long di and not moving... Is like... When I reach there... I saw grand ma... Not moving anymore... Yea.. Passed away... She is gone... Never come back... I cant even say a word to her anymore... I still owe her a sorry... She just leave like this... Left me behind.. Left me live with all the regret... I still not yet say sorry and take good care to her... and I just realise... Crying is useless... Cry how many days still... She wont be alive anymore... and Now... I am living with my regret... Sometime when I think about her... I will cry for a while.. Never end for these 6 years... Po~ I really miss u... Really miss u...

Share something with u guys.. The ambulans car... really neat and hot one... There is once... Grand ma faints.. U know how silly I am? I keep crying and keep crying cause I scare gran ma will go... From the time we send gran ma to hospital then move to another hospital with the ambulans... Non stop crying.. and Its only me sitting with gran ma inside the ambulans car... I stop crying only when I heard doctor said she is ok... Hahahaha.. How funny I am...

Bad Luck Days

2007-01-24T22:37:00.000+08:00

T.T... I got bad luck since yesterday... It didnt seem like leaving me so soon(the bad luck)... *sigh* Know what happened on me?? Oh yea... I went skating... Everything I do, I fall.. Even the spin or jump that I am good in it... T.T... Almost lost axel... Double Salw? Dont ever think about it... *sigh* Back to the Chinese New Year performance practise part... I dunno Its me dreaming or I accidently step something... I suddenly fell n land on my knees nmy knees swollen... GOD!!! Imaging how PAIN its... But I still have to continue practise... T.T

Pain Pain n Pain! Go back with my swollen knees... I thought I am already bad luck enough... Nah.. Guess what had happen then? XD The car door.... Squash my finger!!!! I pain till I cried... Guys~ It really so "HIGH" for me... Painful non stop coming from the swollen knee n finger... "fucking high~"

After this two serious case... I seem like cant get out from getting hurt by things... =.=" Pick up phone call... feet accidently "kick" the corner of the table..Pain! Went out for dinner... The chair scratches my leg when I am moving it... *...* PAIN PAIN PAIN~

T.T My bb rub the medicine for me before I sleep... So now my knee is getting better.. At least not that swell anymore...

*sigh* Today my luck didnt seem like getting back to good one~ Just now.. I sit on the nail cutter =.=" (my butt T.T) and this afternoon... I touches the wall while the paint is still wet (yea my house is painting now)... *sigh*

What kind of bad luck is this T.T.. When will it ever end?

Days

2007-01-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

Hehehe... Being busy and lazy to post... :p Finally feel free to post something here... Ok... These few days nothing special happen... Went ice skating for 2 days and 2 days staying at home... Skip my piano class :( *sigh*

Staying home doing what? CakeRO dude~ XD... Finally they do a donor replacement... So I got donor stuffs back with my friend's receipt... ^^ Gonna tell him(my friend) that... Feel so happy when I got them back... LoL but I took a wrong colour's valkyrie helm =.="... Blue Black Wings + White Valkyrie Helm... How weird T.T... So I am waiting for next month's donor trades... Man I love chance card... Its fun to play... Hahahaha... Collect berries Pbs n Bbs at once... Almost every monster u killed and they drops it... v(^.^)v I made some new friends inside but I lost some too... *sigh* RO always made me so sad is true... T.T

About skating... I decided to continue.. Hahahaha... Know what???!!! I landed Double Salcow(just 2-3 times)... I Feel Good!! XD Axel too ^^ Finally got its ass back~ I Love Skating!!! ~again~ Hahahahhaha.... Flying Sit Spin n Flying Camel~ Wait For Me!!!! All Double Jump I am coming to get u!!!!

Skating Day

2007-01-15T23:13:00.000+08:00

Since I already decided to join the performance on ice for chinese new year.. So this morning I woke up early and ready to go practise skating... Damn pissed off cause I got scold by the cashier(I lost my student card)... What calm me down? LOL.. Shopping!!! I bought my dream pants...Nike and Oreef... and a Puma T-shirt... Damn the T-shirt I bought is XL size >.<... T.T... So I become happy back with my new clothes... Simple right? XD LoL..

There is something funny happened to me when I am trying the new clothes in the fitting room... The fitting room door cut my toe and bleed... But I dont care and still trying a lots of clothes... LOL I start skating around 3pm... Try to get back all my skill.. GOD... I AM UBER HAPPY when I didnt fall on my first axel.. But today my spins seem a bit bad... Finally... My axel came back to me... Hehe.. Hii Ning said I can jump quite high... *shy* Sigh~ Always when I am about to give up... It came back to me... :(

Today I just ate twice... Breakfast and Dinner.. >.< UBER HUNGRY when I wanna take my lunch but wait until dinner time... Sigh~ BB so busy today :(

HOLY! U GUYS GUESS WHAT I FOUND... There is another "SALES" coming soon! >.< I WANNA BUY T.T Sigh~ Probally cannot buy anymore... Sad~

New Day

2007-01-14T22:47:00.000+08:00

Today consider a good day... Nothing bad happen... Slept at my bf's house last night.. So this morning we woke up early and go to work together... Today I sold a pair of RF2 skate(high lv skate) to a beginner skater... Cause our RF4(beginner skate) out of stock and since she like the RF2 too... So she bought the skate and some others skating stuffs... Hehe... v(^.^)v

LOL.. Today whole day we(me and my bf) are playing with my bf's brother's iguana... The iguana ran away yesterday and his brother cant find it(he is about to cry)... Till night when my bf got ice hockey training... It came out from somewhere and seem like got injured a bit(poor little thing).. I put it back to it's place.. Bought some vege for it(damn not fresh one.. damn giant cheat money).. We make it's house become nicer now(draw something and stick in XD).. So I hope it wont feel lonely and ran away again... Awww... Miss it so much( its staying in the shop) >.<

I decided to join my first performance for chinese new year on ice... ^^ Thanks Siau Chian... She accompany me in the performance... So I guess I have to start practise now... I love performance btw.. Haha!

Everything Over

2007-01-14T03:30:00.000+08:00

Yea... Finally calm down from being hyper active... Everything is over now... I gave up my friendship(because of my own's problem)...(Poor them have to take my bad temper... I am really sorry)... Giving up my family(might move to my bf's house)... I am tired now... I am thinking should I give up my piano too since my piano at my house and I cant practise anymore... *sigh* I am still thinking... Why all this happen to me? Why cant I have a happy family? huh?

I wish I never grow up.. Then I dont have to think so much... and I still remember my family quite happy that time even we are a bit poor... But every week we have the family day... Is happy.. But everything gone when I grow up and dad start being ricer a bit... Now... His car is his everything... I still remember there is once.. I scratch his car accidently but also cut my hand.. Guess what happen? My hand is bleeding but he scold me because of that scratches... Until now still... Hahaha... Isnt it funny? I am his daughter but just not important than a car..

Mom? Hahahahahaha... Mom~ A good one.... Really speechless about this mom... A mom that always throw her daughter alone at home since I am in secondary school... ^^ Isnt it cool? :p Nope.. She never work after married with my dad... Mom oh mom... I wanna ask... Why u always keep saying "no" to me? As sample : "Mom wanna go shopping with me?" "NO" "Mom can u bring me out with u?" "NO" "Mom can I learn singing?" "NO"... Ok fine... If ur "friends" asked : "Lets go shopping." "YES Of COURSE" "Lets bla bla bla" "SURE WHY NOT"... =.=" See... Being a daughter like this... I am really sucked.. and failed.. Nvm.. Everything will be over now...

I am just too stupid last time... Take them as my everything even they dont even give a damn about me... So I decided to kick them out of my life... I dont want to see them anymore... Wont care about them anymore... Start spending my new life with my bb... Hope it wont be fail again(I tried many times about moving to bf house but always fail cause I will miss them much and went back at the end)... We are saving money for our future.. Will get marry one day...

Right now I am worry about my net friend jun.. Jun.. Dont go before I go.. I am sure U are not "cham" than me... If u know my past.. I have a horrible past.. Anything just talk to me k?

A Great Day

2007-01-13T22:15:00.000+08:00

LOL... What a Good Day today... I pissed them off (guess so) Why? Oh.. Just because I put my fucking temper on them.. Hahaha... I am SO HAPPY TODAY... XD... Fucking family sucked as usual... Me? Bitch as usual... Great~ Everything just like normal.. I am still not dead yet.. same as them... Oh yea.. Tomorow is my "fake" mom's birthday.. Bitch.. Happy Birthday! XD .. Saw my "blind" dad just now... Why blind? Cause he didnt "see" me at all.. GREAT !! HAHA!! SO Great~ *ho*

I am so hyper active now.. Guess there is no others SHIT to share today.. U guys should be happy cause no need to read more "SHIT" from me.. Cheer~

I'm Tired

2007-01-13T03:41:00.000+08:00

Tired.. I Am So tired.. About everything..

Today is a "very" bad day for me.. Woke up - bored... Whole afternoon - bored 2... Got dinner at 8pm.. But my "dad" are late.. He got back home at 7pm BUT he said he gonna go wash his car first(stupid car I hate it).. So.. HE IS LATE.. and HE made himself become late.. But he just put his "f**king bad temper" on me.. Scold me for such a STUPID thing.. Just because I go inside the car with the same door like my brother.. Then he start scolding me... "What for the other door stand for if u all just using 1 door"... SO.. ITS ME AGAIN... GOOD.. Just scold me u JERK.. Since I am still taking and spending UR money.. So I cant blame about it... Just Enjoy UR SCOLD.. Happy Now? =.= .....

An accident just happened on my mom(I am not beside)... Almost fly out of her motobike... Cause a car(Kancil) beside her suddenly turn left while my mom still going straight... So imaging what happen then... My mom lost control.. Luckily didnt fall down(Since my mom holding the bike tightly).. But bang another car which is waiting to for turning(Honda).. and that Kancil's driver(girl) thought wanna settle this with her RM50... (=.= t).. Its not about money dude... U almost kill my mom.. and U made my mom bang on the Honda car le...So at the end.. The Honda's driver just request RM200 as the repair fees(from Kancil driver of course).. Then he gave my mom RM50 (he is consider good and understanding)... My mom seem like nothing(no injured).. Just lost her voice because of scolding =.="

Back to the dinner part... After got scold by him... I trying to ignore it... But mood become not that good already... So I just want to EAT all I can in the dinner... Its a karaoke dinner room , so my mom "asked" me to sing some songs... K then.. Choose Song... When I am about to sing... Mom "asked" me to eat not sing... SHIT! WTH! Made me feel like wanna start singing then stop me... GREAT! MOM U SO GREAT! Always stopping me... I am thinking... Am I ur "real" daughter? huh? I never see a mother that always stop their child's dream.. Like skating... keep asking me not to skate.. Singing.. dont allow me to learn and said its a wasting of money... Piano.. YES SHE ASKED ME TO STOP LAST TIME... ARE U MY REAL MOM? OR U JUST PICK ME UP AT THE "LAM SAP TONG"? *Speechless about them*

I feel myself is just like... Have family = Dont have family... Parents see me as NOTHING(no kidding,Its all depends on their mood)... Brothers just doing their own stuff(eldest bro got his gf..youngest bro got his brunch of friends)... Just a few friends beside(those always willing to talk to me and listen to me).. OH YEA.. The only that WONT left me behind was my BB.. T.T I guess I already die few years ago(suicide) if no him.. No kidding guys.. I have record(i am not proud of it)... Few times suicide just at the end I am still too afraid of die.. I ate medicines... Cut my hands(not too deep but still its bleeding).. I know maybe I have psychology problem(no kidding)... Right now I am really tired... Not those "sleepy" tired.. Tired from my heart.. For my life... For everything... I miss my gran ma so much.. Yes.. So much.. T.T

What can be done? My life just suck.. I am so Tired...

Mood and Me

2007-01-11T02:07:00.000+08:00

Yea.. I deleted the post about "My Damn Brother".. He is still my brother anyway... Haha.. Although he is really that bad to me.. But.. Sigh~ Who know what will happen tomorrow? Hehehe.. I am so emo.. All depend on my mood.. XD

Just got back home from Supper at Station 1.. Yea.. Again =.="...DIET SUM DIET!.. (x.x)...Going to sleep soon cause tomorrow have to wake at 8am( bring my gran pa go check up )..By the way.. SO HAPPY my bb came and stay at my house today ^^.. <3

What I did today? Nothing much.. Piano class today.. I play as "bad" as usual =.="..Sigh~ Should practise more.. Oh yea.. I found another person who LOVE singing just like me...Kei...She is good in singing too(so envy >.<)... Especially at the part which need to sing high key one.. I am like.. "OMG!!! Awsome!" So I go back home a bit late.. :p

Then...Online, Chatting a bit..When I was pissed, my gor(online gor ^^) trying to make me happy back... Thanks gor ^^..I found a way to make myself calm...Blogging.. Feel much much better.. I like to read others' blog too...I read veron's blog.. Sorry to hear that he got an accident(glad he is ok).. Now I know why they change their plan on last 2 night.. Sorry that I did blame a bit about u guys T.T... *slap myself*

Today mom and dad have some fight... Dad dont like mom always go out singing until so late..Dad sick already(so his mood seem a bit bad).. :(Honestly I dont really like my mom every night(almost) go sing until so late... 1st -- Its dangerous nowaday for being outside at midnight(about 1am) 2nd -- My mom go there not really for sing but just keep chatting with others( I always see she chat with other men =.=" ) I trust my mom.. BUT.. It doesnt look that good since she is a married woman( 1 woman chatting with a table of men)... Sigh~ and I am sure Dad will be pissed if he saw it... Still... Sigh~

Ok.. I am really tired now.. Good night everyone.. Sweet Dreams.. I probally will~ XD *sweet dreaming* *slur*

Songs and Me

2007-01-09T17:54:00.000+08:00

Yo.. Is me again ^^... I am going to bath soon... Cause the bath room now so smelly(my mom smoke just now >.<)... Just finish dancing(simply dance) that made me sweating now... Yea as what I said yesterday I am on DIET.. :p... Today I woke up a bit late... 2pm... I ate instant noodles( T.T )... Log in to Cake for a moment... Saw Kenny.. Talking about that "sggirls" website... I am sure some of u guys know what is that website about... =.="

Today I did practise my piano... Exam pieces( Some bored classical songs u probally never heard before )... Scales( lol my finges >.< )... I play back some old popular songs( long time didnt play so it sound a bit... *shy*)... Poor neighbours.. XD... After piano , I practise singing(simply sing)... LOL.... My neighbours sure HATE me... :p Sorry... Hahahahha...

SONGS.... I LOVE SONGS(those nice one ^^).... Guys.. PENNY Dai(spell wrongly?) SO DAMN DAMN DAMN GOOD... I am in LOVE with her songs... iPenny's album... Go download if u still dont have it... Something I must remind U guys... ALL her song... Composer is herself( I bow her )... and MOST of them so nice to hear...(MARRY ME PENNY although i am not a guy) Everytime I cry when I watch her "Chuang Wai" 's mv( go download if u wanna know what is it about )... Beside Penny's songs... There are many others singers'songs that I love... "Li Shen Jei".. In love with his "Angel"... Is hard to list all of them here... Cause there are many many more songs that I love... Hahaha...

Gonna take my dinner soon... Sigh~ Mom cook "long bean rice" for us... So Bored.. She is getting lazy now... Not even make some soup for us... Sigh~ Maybe I am not taking dinner tonight... Since I am not that hungry now... Wait for Supper :( My honey will be busy these 2 days... Cant see him :( If not he will buy something nice for me to eat... Sigh~ I wonder what should I do tonight... Chatting? Gaming? Ah.. Maybe go out singing with my mom... ^^ Ok... Gonna go bath now... Sticky... Smelly... >.< ... Thanks for reading... Sayonana...

**edit**

Its 7 36pm now... Just ate dinner.. Not long bean rice but sweet and sour pork rice(mom bought from outside for me)... Feel so full now... But I just ate half of that...Talk with my mom just now... About her coming soon birthday party.. Feel so angry about her "friends"... For me.. They are jerks.. U know why I said that?

Oh yea.. My mom's birthday is on Jan.. But they celebrate it at Dec(cause another aunt's birthday was at Dec)...So my mom feel like wanna make a simple party at Jan.. Invite them.. But they thought my mom invite them because want them to give present or sponsor my mom about those foods "again"(cause Dec they already treat my mom)...So they start saying this SHITs to hurt my mom... "Now u say no need we pay, But later u sure want us to pay one." A BITCH said( I dont care if she is older and i shouldnt call her bitch.Who hurt my mom who = bitch.) I am so ANGRY when my mom told me about this... I SPONSOR my mom on her party.. I wanna see if that BITCH gonna be bitching again.. I WILL SLAP her straight away.. But my mom told me they said they dont really want to go since already celebrate on Dec... For me... I DONT Give a DAMN if they are going or not... Just want my mom happy..

About that bitch... Her mouth always full of SHITs(no kidding)...Last time when I got my driving licence.. She said that I will get accident.. ( t=.=t ) NAH! I am sure.. I wont die before she die... So... Peace...

Ok.. Currently I am quite angry now...Will be calm soon... Thanks for reading...

Foods and Diet

2007-01-08T16:34:00.000+08:00

:( ... Currently On Diet... But I cant STOP eating.. Breakfast.. Lunch... High Tea..Dinner...and SUPPER... So u guys think... Will I success to make myself slim down?? I doubt it... Ok... Today I woke at about 1pm...Last night I slept at about 6am after waking my damn brother up... I so good? Nah... I am forced to wake him up... Cause his stupid damn alarm wont let me sleep... My BB (Elwin) woke up at about 10/11 am (I think) cause he need to go work... He said this softly beside my ear " BB, I go work la..." My answer was "Oh"/"Ah"(forgot)... I remember that he said twice about he is going to work... =.=" "....."

After taking my breakfast ( curry noodles ) , I log in to CakeRO..Yea I went back to CakeRO... Hahahaha... Sitting inside prontera... Doing nothing... OH Yea... I went into the PVP(Player VS Player) room just now... How brave I am... With my baby novice (hp= 107)...Sitting with another baby novice... Guess what had happen? LOL... We both got killed by a meteor assault(actually he dont mean to kill us but others)...Swt... Sometime I feel RO is really FUNNY...

Today damn hot le... I feel no mood to practise my piano( I know I will be dead at the exam )... So I just sitting inside my air con room( Hahahahaha I start feeling myself lucky XD ) looking for something to do lo... Chatting , Gaming , Searching Webs , Listening to music , SINGING (for myself) and Thinking... Maybe taking a nap later... OH YEA... and BLOGGING... I START LOVING IT... *muacckkk* XD... GG After this I will look forward to PHUAH's new post...

Tonight I think I will go out to MOMO yamcha( Drink Tea ) LOL.... Asking Phuah now if he want to join us... Haih~ Must bring my "Sister" along de ma... Who is my sister? "MISS Phuah" la... Hahahahahhahahahaha... OMG!!!! I will get KILL... RUN!!!!!!

Sigh~ Its 1 am now...Guess what... They changed the plan... From MOMO become Asia Cafe... I know Momo maybe too far for them to come.. But Asia Cafe is not near for me... Somemore I already asked my bb to come to my place( thought going to Momo one ).. 30 minute driving from pyramid to my house(Ampang)...then If i join them at Asia Cafe...need another 30 minute driving to be there... Today he cant stay at my house(last night already did)...So he have to send me back first then only he can go back(Rawang)...GOD.. Althought I really want to join them.. But I really dont want my bb to drive so long la(driving is not that FUN le)...So I didnt join them... End up I become SO DOWN n UPSET...Haih~ Dont ask me why...

Anyway.. Everything is fine now.. I am going out with my bb later.. cause i am SUPER HUNGRY now...SUPPER time.. Haih~ I am still on diet.. Eat first ba.. Tomolo do more SIT UP lo.. =.=" Wonder what they doing over there.. Finish eating? Playing Dai De?

My 2007

2007-01-07T18:51:00.000+08:00

I just decided to start my very first bloggie here... Since my english not too good... Hope u guys still can understand what i writing about... I got many words to say but just dunno how to start and where to start it...
Good bye my 2006... and Welcome my 2007... Me and my bb(Elwin) already been together for 4 years... and this year the 5th year... Most of my friends know that how the person I am... Its not that good to be my bf... Cause I am bad... Bad Temper... Sorry BB... For those who dunno I am an emo person... Now u know it... and I am a very sensitive person... My bf said this is because I think too much... Yea.. Maybe.. I am too care about how people think about me... I feel very bad when I know someone hate me or dislike me... So Its not that good to be my friends too... I want some change... I wanna stop thinking these much... Then my life will be much better... Haih~

What bad things happen on me in Year 2006? ermm... Relationship and Friendship problem.. XD Actually all the problem just come from me... Why? Because I think too much... =.=" Oh yea... My family treat me a bit better now... Just except my youngest brother... He always made me feel like either kill him or kill myself... >:\ Beside these, I found myself fell in love with shopping... CANT STOP IT... So I am BANKRUPT now... I can see that my bb also... Sorry T.T.... But I bought so many clothes that made me so HAPPY... Hahahaha... and I swear that I wont buy Esprit anymore... Its totally different between before wash and after washing it... I am in love with Pop Soda, Baleno, Samuei and Kevin and P & CO's clothes... Price ok and so comfortable... ^^ By the way... I stop shopping now.. Cause Sales end.. All the price back to normal.. Oh yea.. But Top Shop and MNG still got 50% sales... XD Not my style... and the price also @.@...

What good things happen le... Love doing bussiness with my BB.. Selling Skates lo.. Almost sold out all the RF4 (beginner skates) ^^... Earn some pocket money also... hahaha... and I just came back from a genting trip with bb and Phuah at 4 Jan - 5 Jan... Quite fun... Just phuah dont play with us on Roller Coaster n some others... Took many new pics... ^^ Post them on friendster already... Oh yea... I just realise Bak Kut Tea there quite nice to eat... XD Ate twice... :p and Steamboat at the outdoor theme park there... Really YUCK... Outside hot but inside still freezing.. >.< Made me feel like wanna vomit.. Damn.. We bought many food lo.. hehe.. Cannot finish them...

Ermm.... Actually I already wasted many years for doing nothing... I dunno if this year still the same thing for me... All I know now is.. I got grade 6 piano exam at August... Wish me luck... and I quit skating this year... Thinking should I learn singing or not... I Really Love It.. But my mom dont allow me to... She said I wasting money only... Sigh~ So what can I do? I also dunno... Work? Nah.. Not I dont want to... I cant work now... I still have to practise my piano.... Isnt it? So I just sitting here... and wait... For what? For my LUCK to come la... Hahahahaha....