Dear friend

Our situation. Our relationship. Ended. Dear friend.
Will this be the last time I call you as a friend?
Will I be regret on what have I done? No I guess. If time
rollback. I guess I will do the same. This is my way.

I have read your blog. I knew your words. I rejected
to look at it at the first moment. Then I read it twice.
Some words I can't really accept. But maybe its right.
You guys ask me for some changes. I keep thinking
why must I change? Why will be I am the one who
need to be change? Why? Many questions.

I used to hate you as the most hated in the world.
Hate block my sight. I couldnt see anything beside
the hate. My mind block down all the happiness things
of you and me. The only thing that flashing in my mind
was that day on how you treat me.

Friend. You should know how much I appreciate you.
I been the most luckiest girl in the world to have a friend
like you. You touch my heart deeply when you appear
during my sadness time. I never had a friend like you.
I did mention to you everytime about this. I just dunno
if you take it serious or not.

I feel scare when I read one of your post. It mention about
you dont want someone to treat you as a very important
one cause you dunno if you will treat back the same.
I dunno if you are talking about me or not. Then,
I wrote back an entry regarding this. I said
"dont worry you are not the most important friend for
me cause right now I wont treat anyone as my most
important friend". I lied. Its just an excuse to lie
to myself and you.

I started first. I knew. I feel really bad when "sam"
keep tryingto correct my thinking with his advices.
His words true but hurt.I cant accept and the words just
made me feel more terrible."Are you wishing I go die
right now?" I asked him. I refuse to listento his words.
It hurted It really hurt. I feeling unfair and I thought
he is just correcting me but not her. As he mention,
between usno one willing to be the first to apologize.
Not me not you.

Right now I am not writing to show how "regret" I am.
In my dictionary, dont have "regret" this word.
Even its a wrong decision, I dont want myself to be regret.
Sam said I am weird. I can get through the bad words
about me easily but for the good words, I so reject to accept.

Ya, you are right. Everyone have their problem. I knew
my problem ut I am not changing it. I dont really know
if I did change or not?You know what. This is the first job
I work more than 3 month. Its already a miracle for myself.
Compare with the last job which made me cry back
to home everytime.

No one is perfect. For sure there is something somewhere
people dont like about ourself. I know you do hate people
talk bad behind you and you are disappointed to know
that something of you which I dont accept or dont like,
through others' mouth. As you friend, when I used to
be your friend. I tolerate everything of you. I dunno how
to start telling you. I want you to be good but I dont feel
good to correct you. Others I can dont care and straight to them
easily but not for you. No matter you belief my words or not.
I am quite suprice I can type out so much. Hehe.

I understand everything is over and I am not doing anything
or giving any explain. You and me know very well that things
cannot back to the past.