I Am Sorry

Sorry for everything.... and now.. I would like to say welcome and
goodbye to myself... I hate this blog very much actually... Everytime
when I am facing something bad... I will just record all and release
my emotion in here... So... All I can see from here.. Is the very bad
side of myself... Goodbye, my childish-ness... Goodbye, the very old
me... Off course... I wont say that I am 100% changed now... But...
the only thing I am 100% sure is... I am happy and better now...
I would like to welcome my brand new me... =)

Thank you for everything, there is no regret of it... There is a thing
that is called experience... If we never happen to gain the experience
... We will never know... What is the feeling of "Sweet" and "Pain"...
Ya.. Maybe sometime... You may have done something that will
causeyou to feel regretful in the rest of your life... But.. If you never
happen to gain this experience... You will never know that what is
the correct thing and what is the wrong one... Maybe... the only thing
we can do now...is to let the time to cure it or let the fate decide...

There is a song lyrics... I am so into it... "I am sorry for blaming you
for everything.. I just couldnt do... and I've hurt myself by hurting
you" I will take everything as a lesson... and I wish that these can
be a guidein my future... I will make sure... I wont do it again...
Cause the "pain" is really hard to fade away...

Anyway... I am really sorry... for everything...

Glasses Heart

I am falling again.. Into the deep hole.. How long.. It took
sometime to rebuild myself and my confident.. But it just
fade away... Everything fade away... Due to my sickness..
I realise a lots of things.. The happiness is no longer
staying with me.. I can hardly smile again... No more..

What had I remain? Its empty... I feel so emo... But I cant
get myself a very good reason.. Why am I emo..
What do I want? Do I really want all of them die?
Or what else do I really want?

My heart have been broke into pieces a while ago..
I told myself.. Nothing can be really worst than.
Its not the worst situation... Always not.. But..
Who really know? How bad it can go? How far can I last?
How to get myself survive in all these?

I am not crying.. No tears are coming out...
Is it all dry already? So that I cant cry now?
I feel numb.. Really numb... I am out of my mind..
I dunno what am I typing now and who do i refering to...

Gran ma.. I really do miss you..

Can you hear me?

Why So Serious

I feel quite embarassing... Reading the old me... Emotional..
I am on a self-upgrading... Everything was running fine...
I dont hate I dont let myself be bad.. I dont feel so serious
about anything now... =)

My mind is empty now... So.. Lets just say good bye...
=)

Why so serious? XD

Self - Despressing

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I want to scream.. I want to bang the wall..
Morning Morning do wrong thing again.. What The FUCK!!!
Ya ya.. I know... Thanks to myself... Stupid again... Why should
I care? Why should I FUCKING care???!!!! Busy body???
HAR?!!!! This job already so bullshit for me.. Why should I
still falling so much for it??!!!! WHY SHOULD I CARE?!!!!

Fuck!!!! I shouldnt be so care at the first moment... Your right!
Its NONE OF MY BUSSINESS... Stupid!! Wake Up Stupid!!!!
Why would you care about how the case goes??? Since that upper
management also dont care and did mistake on it also...
WHY WOULD YOU CARE?!!! =.= They didnt feel anything
upon this matter at all??? Har?? Who gonna take the result??
ME!!! US!!!

I am so so so so so so so so so depress right now... I dont fucking
want to talk to anybody... I DONT FUCKING WANT!!!!!!
Leave me alone.. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

Dear friend

Our situation. Our relationship. Ended. Dear friend.
Will this be the last time I call you as a friend?
Will I be regret on what have I done? No I guess. If time
rollback. I guess I will do the same. This is my way.

I have read your blog. I knew your words. I rejected
to look at it at the first moment. Then I read it twice.
Some words I can't really accept. But maybe its right.
You guys ask me for some changes. I keep thinking
why must I change? Why will be I am the one who
need to be change? Why? Many questions.

I used to hate you as the most hated in the world.
Hate block my sight. I couldnt see anything beside
the hate. My mind block down all the happiness things
of you and me. The only thing that flashing in my mind
was that day on how you treat me.

Friend. You should know how much I appreciate you.
I been the most luckiest girl in the world to have a friend
like you. You touch my heart deeply when you appear
during my sadness time. I never had a friend like you.
I did mention to you everytime about this. I just dunno
if you take it serious or not.

I feel scare when I read one of your post. It mention about
you dont want someone to treat you as a very important
one cause you dunno if you will treat back the same.
I dunno if you are talking about me or not. Then,
I wrote back an entry regarding this. I said
"dont worry you are not the most important friend for
me cause right now I wont treat anyone as my most
important friend". I lied. Its just an excuse to lie
to myself and you.

I started first. I knew. I feel really bad when "sam"
keep tryingto correct my thinking with his advices.
His words true but hurt.I cant accept and the words just
made me feel more terrible."Are you wishing I go die
right now?" I asked him. I refuse to listento his words.
It hurted It really hurt. I feeling unfair and I thought
he is just correcting me but not her. As he mention,
between usno one willing to be the first to apologize.
Not me not you.

Right now I am not writing to show how "regret" I am.
In my dictionary, dont have "regret" this word.
Even its a wrong decision, I dont want myself to be regret.
Sam said I am weird. I can get through the bad words
about me easily but for the good words, I so reject to accept.

Ya, you are right. Everyone have their problem. I knew
my problem ut I am not changing it. I dont really know
if I did change or not?You know what. This is the first job
I work more than 3 month. Its already a miracle for myself.
Compare with the last job which made me cry back
to home everytime.

No one is perfect. For sure there is something somewhere
people dont like about ourself. I know you do hate people
talk bad behind you and you are disappointed to know
that something of you which I dont accept or dont like,
through others' mouth. As you friend, when I used to
be your friend. I tolerate everything of you. I dunno how
to start telling you. I want you to be good but I dont feel
good to correct you. Others I can dont care and straight to them
easily but not for you. No matter you belief my words or not.
I am quite suprice I can type out so much. Hehe.

I understand everything is over and I am not doing anything
or giving any explain. You and me know very well that things
cannot back to the past.

My Tears

Right now I am working.. Was quite free... But a while
later.. I found a girl which had forgotten by her team.. =.=
Suprice to see that my IDs still working beside my forum's..
I knew I may doing the wrong thing... I leave my current
position and go help her... Well.. I feel like i need to do so..
I am happy to touch it back.. Which I used to call it as
a hell dream.. and I woke up from it.. Back to my "heaven".
Well.. heaven or not.. depends...

In these few days.. I gained some and lost some.. I gained
lessons.. I lost my tears... I been collapse and cried.. I feel
sad and happy.. My emotions changing every minute..
I lost the most cherrish friend.. I let myself fell into the
lonely trap.. I emo them.. stopped talking with them...
I thought I will feel better... I am or not.. Only myself know..
I dont want to explain anything... Hardly people can read me..
But I am tired on explaining.. Does it even give help? No

I am happy with my family now.. No matter from my bf
side or my home side.. Sorry guys.. I used to complain a lot
about all.. I know my words always hurt people.. I just dunno
why I always let the small little sad thing cover up all the big
huge happy things.. Auntie.. I know you are not a bad person..
A good mother you could said.. As a mother in law.. I can consider
you as a good one.. Sorry for being lazy in the house.. Haha..

Recently I gained the happiness feeling from the new lifes...
Hamster babies.. I will never feel bored watching them everyday..
I wish to record down everything I see.. And I am happy
with the iguanna... =) Grow up faster babies...

My Final

Well.. MIA stopped after the 2nd day... I knew what have I done...
And I do prepare for any punishment.. But.. Jenny have a long chat
with me through msn... Then I keep thinking... Ya.. I know I am wrong...
I just put someone into the trouble.. Sorry... I just never know that its
not only related to me but to you as well... I went back and start
working at 29 Jan... Jenny have a long talk with me at the 3rd floor...
After the talk..I just realise..Everything that happened...Goes to franky..
I am like a sudden... Realise something.. Which is the reality...
Alright.. I know what have I done...

Sorry... I am still weak in reading people... I cant see who is the
good one and who is the really bad one... I really cannot tell...
Until now.. I know... I might put him into this trouble...
Which they are always looking for something to fight on.. to blame on...
But I wont... I will try to safe it.. Actually ... Its not a MIA...
I did tell them.. Tiff.. Dee... and Ericc... I even sms him... =)
So.. Does that still call a MIA?

I worked until now... Tomorrow last day in it... =) I am happy...
But I know the way that I am heading now... May not be as
smooth as I think... Everywhere is the same.. You cannot
expect others to be perfect... You cannot force everyone MUST be
like you..and I know what is the problem there..I always know..
But I will try to avoid for now... Since there is no hope for anything
anymore.. They are right.. Its the company who made the workers
become like this... I will appreciate my breakfast time =)

Cannot wait for feb 3 to come... Recently... I was quite free from
the current team... No phone calls or less case.. Does it mean good?
Nah uh... The bugs still exist...

Everything Should Get An End

Its time to make it end... I want to stop myself from falling into the darkness hell...
I had enough! My patience just reach its limit.. Stop using me like this.. Stop
messing up my life.. Jerks.. Bastards.. I do not belong to anything.. I am the one who
in charge of myself... Got it?? So stop pointing at me and order me for this and that..
I dont even want to give a damn if you want to do it or not... Stop telling me what the bullshit
like if I dont clear it you will die.. WHY? Why must just be me??? I quitted!

I am SO regret.. Why I put myself into this.. Its worst than a hell.. Yea.. You are right..
I shouldnt dare you from accept this challenge... End up I made myself crazy... And now
I even give up my job... But its ok... I already feel hopeless when I saw my salary from
the amount that it suppose to give(which he promised) become the current one.. And he still
want to tell me those bullshits like... "They are just adding with their rate." Hahahahahaha...
WHAT A BULLSHIT! Never mind.. How much you pay... how much I work... " Have you prepare to receive lots of resign letters?" "Anytime" <<<<< Nice one.. So now I dont have to feel
guilty even if I want to run away from this company...

=) I appreciated the lessons you guys taught me.. Thank you.. Thank you for making grow up
once again..at the same time... Good bye...

MIA start counting until I got fire... Thank you...

System Down

2009 17 Jan, my last off day.. As I wish, I archieved my dream.. and
went to a wonderful land(what I thought it was).. I started everything
from 0.. I forced myself to catch up cause I dont want to feel that I
am useless for others.. Beside some product knowledge(well not some
actually) that I still cant catch up.. The rest.. I already tried my best..

I cant explain.. Everything actually goes so smoothly at the begining..
I got to know new friends.. and I am working with my good friend..
Until then.. my system down.. I started to blame started to hate..
Until now.. I deleted my good friend and I made myself became a bad
character once again.. But well.. Quote from someone " Dont bother about
how others look upon you, just think about how you look upon urself "
Thanks bro.. and sorry to give you trouble..

Dream is still a dream.. Which only perfect to be a "dream".. Archieve it..
and you will see the reality.. Which is not that perfect anymore.. So..
I better just keep it in my heart as a "dream".. To be honestly.. I do know that
the opportunity is better in the current one.. But.. the most important thing
is to enjoy your work.. If you are not happy.. You can hardly done the work
nicely..

Can I complain here? For my personal feeling on that person?
She.. used to be a cute little sister.. and I do like the cute girl like her..
But dunno why.. There is one day.. she show her emotion on me.. Come on..
I know maybe you are not feeling well.. But can you please be informed that
I am NOT born for you to show your emotion with ok? and please...
Why would you everytime think that I "SURE" know to answer the questions?
and your face DID show that I SHOULD know how to answer.. Thats really funny..
Well.. I admit.. Its about girl's jealousy.. Most of them is sitting at your side to teach
you.. Hahaha.. How about me?? I AM LEARNING ALL THE WAY BY MYSELF!!!
I ASK!! I LOOK AT THEM!!! I SEARCH FOR THE ANSWERS!!!! Never mind..
nightmare would be ended one day..

You are not trusted??? I doubt about your working ability???? Fine.. If you say so..
I am.. I AM!!! Ok?? Satisfy huh? and please.. I DONT NEED to be fake ok..
If I dont like you.. I will never show that I like you.. =.=

So.. GTFO~ Thank you.