I'm Tired

Tired.. I Am So tired.. About everything..

Today is a "very" bad day for me.. Woke up - bored... Whole afternoon - bored 2... Got dinner at 8pm.. But my "dad" are late.. He got back home at 7pm BUT he said he gonna go wash his car first(stupid car I hate it).. So.. HE IS LATE.. and HE made himself become late.. But he just put his "f**king bad temper" on me.. Scold me for such a STUPID thing.. Just because I go inside the car with the same door like my brother.. Then he start scolding me... "What for the other door stand for if u all just using 1 door"... SO.. ITS ME AGAIN... GOOD.. Just scold me u JERK.. Since I am still taking and spending UR money.. So I cant blame about it... Just Enjoy UR SCOLD.. Happy Now? =.= .....

An accident just happened on my mom(I am not beside)... Almost fly out of her motobike... Cause a car(Kancil) beside her suddenly turn left while my mom still going straight... So imaging what happen then... My mom lost control.. Luckily didnt fall down(Since my mom holding the bike tightly).. But bang another car which is waiting to for turning(Honda).. and that Kancil's driver(girl) thought wanna settle this with her RM50... (=.= t).. Its not about money dude... U almost kill my mom.. and U made my mom bang on the Honda car le...So at the end.. The Honda's driver just request RM200 as the repair fees(from Kancil driver of course).. Then he gave my mom RM50 (he is consider good and understanding)... My mom seem like nothing(no injured).. Just lost her voice because of scolding =.="

Back to the dinner part... After got scold by him... I trying to ignore it... But mood become not that good already... So I just want to EAT all I can in the dinner... Its a karaoke dinner room , so my mom "asked" me to sing some songs... K then.. Choose Song... When I am about to sing... Mom "asked" me to eat not sing... SHIT! WTH! Made me feel like wanna start singing then stop me... GREAT! MOM U SO GREAT! Always stopping me... I am thinking... Am I ur "real" daughter? huh? I never see a mother that always stop their child's dream.. Like skating... keep asking me not to skate.. Singing.. dont allow me to learn and said its a wasting of money... Piano.. YES SHE ASKED ME TO STOP LAST TIME... ARE U MY REAL MOM? OR U JUST PICK ME UP AT THE "LAM SAP TONG"? *Speechless about them*

I feel myself is just like... Have family = Dont have family... Parents see me as NOTHING(no kidding,Its all depends on their mood)... Brothers just doing their own stuff(eldest bro got his gf..youngest bro got his brunch of friends)... Just a few friends beside(those always willing to talk to me and listen to me).. OH YEA.. The only that WONT left me behind was my BB.. T.T I guess I already die few years ago(suicide) if no him.. No kidding guys.. I have record(i am not proud of it)... Few times suicide just at the end I am still too afraid of die.. I ate medicines... Cut my hands(not too deep but still its bleeding).. I know maybe I have psychology problem(no kidding)... Right now I am really tired... Not those "sleepy" tired.. Tired from my heart.. For my life... For everything... I miss my gran ma so much.. Yes.. So much.. T.T

What can be done? My life just suck.. I am so Tired...